Puppies & Ripples

Puppies & Ripples
Originally uploaded by rustedrobot.

Here's something I don't understand. We recently purchased this 12-pack of toilet paper because, well, everybody poops, right? Right (nodding my head). Now that that's out of the way, I was examining the package and I can't for the life of me figure out a) the benefit of rippled toilet paper and b) why there's a puppy on package.

Anyone want to take a, uh, crack at that?

Subterranean Snowsick Blues

You know what I hate most about winter? Not the snow. Not the ice. Not the cold temperatures. Not the treacherous driving. Not even shoveling, although that comes in a very close second. I hate clearing snow and ice off of cars. Hate it. I can't figure out why, because it's not that difficult of a task, but it just drives me nuts.

I'm nearing the expiration of my 2-year Verizon contract which means that a) I get to shop for a new phone and b) I doubt I'll do a 2-year contract again. Originally I was thinking that I would hold onto my current phone (Treo) for another couple of months and just get the Apple IPhone, but now I'm not so sure. First off, Cingular/AT&T is the only company offering the phone, which is not encouraging. I used that service previous to my current provider, Verizon, and I was not happy at all with the coverage or the service. Second, it's like $500-600. For a phone. We'll see if AT&T does any discounting, but those are two fairly big strikes.

Does anyone know why Will Ferrell is sportin' that kick-ass afro, by the way?

Why Blogs Are Good.....Most Of The Time

A pretty good read in this morning's Boston Globe about politics, blogs and how the blogosphere runs the risk of a little mud on the face by the time the 2008 elections wrap up. One can assume that a lot of people out there aren't aware of the fact that PR agencies create fake bloggers and fake commenters to try and influence opinions. Simply looking at a blog and its comments and then taking it all as full truth is dramatic naivete. Much like the offline world, hucksterism will never be lacking on Earth. As usual, caveat emptor.

Another interesting blog-related story from this morning details the recent writings of Paul Levy, who runs the very large and busy Beth Isreal hospital in Boston. The story is about the infection rates from IV insertion, but I'm posting this because it's actually refreshing to see someone in a high seat at a hospital writing a blog. If you've visited a hospital in the last 5 years, I'm sure you know that the complexities are mind-numbing and the communication is horrific. I've never felt differently, no matter what hospital I'm in. I'll be subscribing to Levy's blog in my Bloglines.

Podding:
Palace - The Brute Choir
Ringo Starr - Photograph
Mark Lanegan - Borracho
Palace - We All, Us Three, Will Ride
Healthy White Baby - Soul
The Byrds - What's Happening?!
Pavement - Two States
The Pernice Brothers - Baby In Two
AC/DC - Problem Child
Ben Kweller - Penny On The Train Track

Start Spreading The News.....

Coming soon on Grey's Anatomy......

Dad, I promise I will never do this to you.

I can't wait to see the Keebler Elf on those commercials when he eats one of these.

My parents will appreciate this. Their dog has, in the past, eaten a corn cob (not the corn - the actual COB), socks, brillo pads and more....

It appears Chewbacca has fallen on hard times now that the Star Wars movies are over.

Housecleaning

• So, XM and Sirius, the only two satellite radio firms, have agreed to a merger. The news is already being tempered by analysts who say the powers-that-be will most likely strike it down as being monopolistic. I can't really agree there. While there will indeed be only one satellite company if it the merger goes through, there will still be regular radio (on life support, granted), HD Radio and the big monster - IPods/MP3 Players. You think that's enough competition? I sure do. Let the tree fall in the woods......er, I mean let them merge.

• One the best movies I've seen in this young year was SherryBaby, a gritty film about drug addicition, recovery, strength, weakness and parenting that was slightly depressing, but moving. Maggie Gyllenhall's performance was spectacular. I would have simply enjoyed movies like this prior to my wife's pregnancy and then moved onto the next movie. This one's got me thinking, though, about how many people I know whose childhoods weren't exactly normal. Certainly part of the psychological changes I've felt in the last 5-6 months.

• I never really realize how good we have it with NESN until I watch a hockey or baseball game on the other networks - Versus, TBS, etc. I studied TV & Radio Production in college and typically, these regional sports networks are breeding grounds for kids just out college who are learning how to twiddle knobs, direct, produce, etc. The broadcasters (especially on Versus) always seem to mangle names and the production values just aren't up to snuff. We're spolied here in New England.

• Jim Carrey was pretty funny on Letterman last night, doing impressions of David Caruso on CSI Miami. If you don't know what I'm talking about, just watch this hilarious video.

• I have 28 people subscribed to my website feed via RSS. Pretty small in the big picture, but more than I ever imagined would subscribe to little 'ol me.....hey, thanks.
  

What The Fork?

This morning I pour myself a bowl of Honey Nut Cheerios and settle in with the Boston Globe. With the paper in one hand and the bowl in the other, I'm almost to my destination (the dining room) when I realize there is a fork in my hand and not a spoon. Oops. Ever try to eat cereal with a fork? I've never tried it. I think one time, though, back when I was single and living a more, um, bacheloresque life, I went to the fridge to get some ice cream and noticed that all the spoons were dirty. Oh well. Fork it up. That was the first and last time I used a fork for ice cream, although it should be noted that it didn't work horribly. Here's a question - if you have a bowl of apple pie and vanilla ice cream, do you fork it or spoon it? I usually spoon it and I suspect that's the norm.

My newest musical obsession is The Hold Steady. It took me a while to warm up, but I have totally caught the fever in a nasty way. See for yourself. This video, from the Letterman show, was a total knockout blow. Pay close attention to the whole thing because this is the real deal, but really focus when there's about 2:15 left in the video and watch that 30 second stretch - it literally gives me goose bumps. Just check out the passion, this is what makes music so inspiring:

Thank You For The Days

February 14th. A day that will forever be controversial in the battle of the sexes. Of course, most moralists would argue that the celebration of love should occur every day instead of once a year, but come on. This is the real world.

To me, there's a more important holiday around this time and that's February 10th - that's the date (in 2000) when my wife and I went on our first date. For the record, it was a fairly traditional journey to the movie theater in Harvard Square, Cambridge, MA to see The Hurricane, the story of incarcerated boxer Ruben Carter (Denzel Washington), which both of us enjoyed. After the movie we went to a pizza joint in the square and each had a slice, then got on our respective subway trains and went home. I wore green painter-style pants and a beige long sleeved shirt. It might have been my best set of clothes at the time, though I can't recall for sure. So seven years later, here we are.

To celebrate our 7th year, we went and saw a movie, The Queen, which was surprisingly very good - Helen Mirren is very much deserving of all the accolades she's getting for it and it was a hell of an interesting story. Then we came home and I whipped up some dinner crepes and stuffed them with chicken, ricotta, jack cheese, red pepper and corn. Yummy! Given the circumstances (twins coming in June), Steph was in bed by 8:30!

My point? I was thinking that February 10th is as important as our wedding anniversary in some ways. Both days are pivotal, of course, but the latter doesn't happen if the former doesn't occur first, so to me they're of equal impact. Question for the married among us: do you still celebrate the anniversary of your first date and is it held in almost the same regard as your actual wedding anniversary?

Other: One of the nice things about digitizing your music library is that you can just type in a single keyword into ITunes and come up with a theme. I just typed in "Valentine" and got these two songs, both of which are awesome songs and deserve a listen. So give it a listen. Now. Right now! You can stream them by just clicking the little blue "play" button or you can save them by right-clicking and "saving as." My Valentine's Day gift for you. Enjoy:

Valentine - Bobby Bare, Jr.
This Is A Valentine - The Model Rockets

Turn OFF The Red Light, Please

The Grammy's suck every year. So why do I keep watching? I think it's more of an ambulance-chasing thing than anything else. Or maybe I keep holding on, grasping at the idea that perhaps something will happen that will reaffirm my faith in the big record business. The Police were never a band I liked and I've pretty much always despised Sting musically, so I was completely underwhelmed by their opening the show. Their choice of song ("Roxanne") was logical, I suppose, but all too predictable. I mean really, that song is basically their version of "Don't Worry, Be Happy," i.e. a song that just should never be played again because it's been beaten to a bloody pulp on the radio, in movies, culture, etc. No more.

I'm not saying that the Grammy's should go totally indie, either. I understand what it's about - mainstream music. But wouldn't it be cool if The Police had stepped on stage and banged out "Synchronicity II?" You know? Something......urgent. THAT song would have rattled the rafters at the Grammy's. But I get it - they had to play down to the common denominator. Play it safe.

Some of the performance were quite good this year - The Dixie Chicks, for example, surprised me. I found myself really liking that "kiss off" song they sang - I've already forgotten the title - it was a pretty impassioned and competent performance and I didn't know that Natalie Maines could sing like that. Does one of them have a kinda crazy eye, though? The whole band warrants further investigation.

The performance of the night had to the be Gnarls Barkley version of "Crazy," another one of those songs that will inevitably have to join "Roxanne" in the bin of songs that drive people to drink because of overexposure. Yet I inexplicably sat there and gave them the chance and it paid off! They re-worked the song and turned it into an epic, complete with strings and a change in tempo. I love when band re-work songs - there's a time and a place to do spot-on reproductions of album songs live, but this one was overdue for a change. Beautifully done and superb!! Even better that the two musicians were decked out in pilots uniforms during the performance!

Podding:
Nirvana - Scoff
Uncle Tupelo - I Wanna Be Your Dog
Billy Squier - I Need You
The Beatles - Something
Big Star - Feel
Bob Dylan - To Be Alone With You
The Elected - The Bank & Trust
Queen - Long Away
The Olivia Tremor Control - Jumping Fences
The New Pornographers - The Bleeding Heart Show

.....And The Water Is Piping Hot

So I'm standing there in the shower yesterday and I got to thinking about 7th grade. 1983-1984. I ran with a group of guys who were quite obnoxious, as many 7th grade boys tend to be. I was equally obnoxious, too. For example, one day our 7th grade English teacher Mrs. Moynihan handed out spelling tests to all of us. After about two minutes when all the paper shuffling and test instructions were finished, people settled in for the test and things quieted down. I then saw my chance - my hand shot up, she called on me and I asked: "does spelling count?" Yeah, that was me in a microcosm.

I'm proud to say I wasn't the most obnoxious, though. Guys like Tom Winant would have been most likely to take home the blue ribbon if "obnoxiousness awards" had been given. One day in gym class he took off his sweatshirt during a gym-class game to reveal a homemade shirt in which he had written on the front "Home of the Whopper" with an arrow pointing down to his nether regions. Then there was Mark Rico, who had actually gone to Burger King and gotten some kind of Happy Meal equivalent where the "prize" was a king's crown. He made some crafty adjustments to the crown and by the time he was finished with it, he was walking around the halls, proudly wearing a king's crown with several penis's as the points in the crown. In 7th grade!

So anyway, 7th grade boys (at least us) were content to be total idiots. That said, we would take jokes or actions and just repeat them endlessly. No matter how often we did or said it, we'd laugh uproarously, while the rest of the people would have heard it or seen it 500 times and be totally sick of it. One of these action was arm farts. Let me tell you something about arm farts - we perfected the art. I mean, we were the Mozarts of arm farts. I knew where exactly to shift my hand to produce different kinds of farts - and there were many, as you might imagine. It was priceless. And it NEVER failed to make us laugh incredibly hard. One story comes to mind:

There was a group of us who sat in the back of social studies class in the 7th grade, taught by an aging farmer named Mr. Graves. The guy was nice enough, but put an aging teacher and a group of 7th grade boys together and you're just asking for trouble. Arm farts were the weapon of choice. We'd sit back there and a lot of the time, he wouldn't even hear them, but we would and the best ones would generate five minutes of laughter that we'd desperately try to control. One day one of the guys cracked one a little too loud - loud enough for the old guy to hear it. He snapped his head up and croaked "don't think I don't know what you boys are doing back there because I can smell it!" Well, that really got us roaring because, as we all knew, they were arm farts. I have no idea what he was smelling.

There are many more of these kind of stories, of course. But back to the shower. So I'm standing there yesterday and I'm thinking about arm farts and I'm like "what the hell?" and I decide to give it a try. And you know what? It's like riding a bike! Right on the first try I ripped one and it was a classic! So there I stood in the shower, an almost 36 year old man, nobody else around, and I'm just cranking out these things for about two minutes straight and just laughing my ass off. I mean really cracking up.

It was a combination of a lot of things - remembering innocent old days, shaking off some of the anxiety a pregnancy brings and the fact that a shower lends itself to some of the very best sounding arm farts. After all, that's the best thing about them - the warmer and wetter the armpit, the better, sharper and more accurate the fart. The only thing I could think after I had stopped was "I can't wait to do this in front of the twins! They're gonna love it!"

It will truly be a beautiful thing. Now, back to my regularly scheduled life.

Contact lens update: after nearly 24 hours, it finally came out. It was folded perfectly in half and residing waaaaaaay up in my eyeball. I had to lift my eyelid as far as it would stretch and even then, I could only see the faint edge of it. But once you can see it, it becomes much easier to get it. Cripes!

Apple's Take...

Interesting post by Steve Jobs re: DRM/copy protection of music. Kill DRM!

I'm Going, I'm Going, I'm Gone

I played hockey last night and after the game as I was walking out, I rubbed my eye a little and one of my contact lenses moved up into my eyeball. When I got home, I tried to find it, but couldn't. As far as I know, it's still there. Ugh.

Every now and then I get email for work that filters into my spam folder, so I have to carefully scan my junk mail folder a couple of times a day. Yesterday's best subject header: "Start Your Jerky Business for Only $12 Bucks!"

Okay guys (and girls, I guess). Here's something that happens to me quite frequently: I get home from being somewhere or I come in from mowing the grass or tending the garden and I wash my hands. It's always good to wash your hands after you've been out and about - especially with that nasty norovirus going around. But that's not the point. The point is you are washing your hands. And you don't have to pee. As soon as I start washing my hands, then I have to pee. So I pee, then I have to wash my hands again. Does this happen to you as well?

I Need A Dumptruck Mama To Unload My Head

• A few quick words on the Super Bowl: when the opening kickoff is run back for a touchdown, you might as well turn off the game, because it won't get any more exciting than that. What a total snoozefest that game was. As I turned it on, I was thinking "finally, a Super Bowl with bad weather!" Anyway, as I watched the game, I thought to myself how great it would be if they just rotated the Super Bowl in each NFL city from year-to-year. That way the game isn't always played in some sunny locale or in a dome. I mean, I realize all the money involved and how weather can affect that, but come on. They can play NFC/AFC Championship games in the snow, but not the Super Bowl? Football is meant to be played in whatever weather conditions pop up that day. So if it's Green Bay's turn to host the Super Bowl and it's snowing and 20 below zero, so be it. They'll get more viewers!

• Super Bowl commercials: horrible. Game: terrible.
  

• A couple of easy recipes for you. On Saturday I went over to the fish market in Concord, MA and bought myself a nice cut of salmon. Here's what you do: turn on your grill and leave all settings on high for about 15 minutes. In other words, get that damn thing as hot as possible. Take some vegetable oil and pour a little bit onto a paper towel, then take the paper towel and rub the oil onto the grill grate where you plan to grill the fish. Drop that pink sweetness onto the grill, skin side down and grill it about 4 minutes, or until the skin blackens and shrivels. Flip it and grill for another 4 minutes. Done. In the meantime, take about a half-inch of melted butter and a clove of garlic and pour some tarragon into the butter-garlic sauce. Pour onto fish. KICK ASS! Best piece of salmon I've had in years!
  

• Super Bowl Sunday dinner: a hearty, rustic bowl of Potato-Leek Soup. Buy 6 medium-sized red potatoes and 2 pounds of leeks. Cut off the dark green parts of the leeks and also the roots. Wash thoroughly. Cut in half-lengthwise and then cut into 3/4 inch slices. Take a half-stick of butter and melt it in a soup pan, then add the leeks and cook for about 7 minutes. While the leeks are cooking, peel the potatoes and slice them into 3/4 inch cubes. Add a tablespoon of flour to the leeks and then add 5 cups of chicken broth, one cup at a time. Then add a bay leaf and the potatoes and bring to a boil, about 5-7 minutes. Remove from heat and let stand for 15 mins. Add salt and pepper, bake up some bread and eat up.
  

• The "Retailer Stuck in the 1990's Award" goes to Pottery Barn. I bought a bookshelf on PotteryBarn.com yesterday, fully expecting to use a gift certificate given to us a while back by a friend. I go to check out and then I enter the gift certificate number, but it doesn't accept it. Geezus. I call Pottery Barn and they tell me only gift cards, not gift certificates, can be used online. When I receive the bookcase, I have to physically mail the gift certificate to Pottery Barn and they will credit my card in 4-6 weeks. Are you even kidding me? Hey, Pottery Barn, it's two-thousand-fu@#$ing seven yo!
  

All It Takes Is One

The subject line of today's post is a common saying in many businesses and walks of life. One idea, one product or one bout of good luck can turn one person (or one company's) fortunes around. This is also a common saying in the music business. All it takes is one hit on the charts. Yesterday as I was driving to work I wondered about all the fabled "one hit wonders" in the music world, those bands who had a brief sip out of stardom's crystal glass.

It was a quick thought, but the only question that really came out of it was "does it really only take one?" If I'm a musician and I have one large hit, am I set for life? Is there enough coming in where they don't have to worry about money again? Is the guy who wrote "Brandy" from the 1970's still enjoying the good life? Is Taco still awash in cash, sitting in a waterfront villa somewhere because of "Puttin' On The Ritz?" What about Rockwell? Was the mid-'80s smash hit "Somebody's Watching Me" the equivalent of hitting the jackpot?

Of course, in today's music business it's so much different - almost everybody is a one-hit wonder now because none of the big labels have a shred of musical integrity or the willingness to nurture a band for more than 12 minutes. But that's beside the point.

Of course, financial irresponsibility probably derailed a lot of one-hit wonders, but help me out here - in general do you think these people are rich and living the good life today? I wonder.

Also: is it true that you can really unlock your car with a tennis ball?

All Your Base........

It wasn't funny while it was going on and I can't say I blame Boston Mayor Tom Menino for being incensed yesterday after his city spent over half a million dollars running all over the city chasing down what they thought were numerous explosive devices. But when I found out it was really just some souped-up Lite-Brite type-things promoting a cartoon show called Adult Swim, well, now I think it's pretty damn funny, only because it really speaks to how drastic generation gaps are in today's world. Anyone under 25 probably saw the things (they've been there for weeks) and smiled or laughed, but as soon as an unsuspecting adult became......suspecting, well, it was crisis mode.

Anyway, my compliments to the city of Boston - it's very comforting (and apparantly expensive) to know that the city is taking security this seriously. The whole "erring on the side of caution" thing applies. That said, it's surprising it got that far and that someone didn't pick up on it as an advertising campaign earlier than they did.

I'm not sure how I feel about the kid who put them up. On one hand, it's an art school student who was just trying to make a couple extra bucks. Can't fault him for that. Truth be told, he probably didn't think in a million years he was really doing anything wrong, so should he be prosecuted? I mean, it couldn't have entered his mind that a cartoon character giving the middle finger was going to cause such a ruckus. But it did. And he probably should have at least asked the people paying him to do it if they had permission from the city.

Turner Broadcasting, the network that airs the show, is really at fault, not some 27 year old art school foot soldier. They should just pay whatever it cost the city to play Keystone Cops, apologize and be done with it. Nobody needs to go to jail, fer chrissakes.

The whole thing: not funny. But very funny.