Once I Rose Above The Noise & Confusion

Shout out to Lawrence, Kansas. I was scanning the web to see if anyone or any entity could lay claim to some Anders Parker live material when I came across a TV show called "Turnpike." It seems the last time Parker toured through Lawrence, "Turkpike" shot a feature on him, containing an interview and also filmed Parker performing a few songs from the new album, Tell It To The Dust, which is still in mega-heavy rotation on my IPod. Anyway, I highly recommend the stuff - some really great clips here, as Parker re-works a few songs in the solo/acoustic and solo/piano vein. I kind of wish at least one of the songs showcased Parker's rock leanings, too, but you can't have it all.

Podding:
The Beach Boys - Sloop John B
Van Morrison & Lonnie Donegan - Goodnight Irene
Townes Van Zandt - No Deal
Badfinger - No Matter What
Led Zeppelin - Custard Pie
Buttercup - A Fire
The Gourds - Caledonia
Alice In Chains - Nutshell (from Unplugged)
Fleetwood Mac - Second Hand News
Nick Drake - Know
Sinead O'Connor - Mandinka
Elliot Smith - Sweet Adeline
Guided By Voices - Skills Like This 

...I Do Believe I've Had Enough

A guy just stands in the middle of the road with a giant afro. A large statue of an eagle looks over the city near the MetLife building. I marvel at what that eagle has seen during its long, frozen life. I (day?)dream about how amazing it would be to jump up there, sit down next to the eagle and look over the city myself for a while, then listen to the eagle tell me stories about what he's seen and heard for the numerous decades he's been there. We zip by dozens upon dozens of apartment buildings over deli's, wireless stores, jewelry displays and beer joints. My wind wanders - seventy years ago, it was probably blacksmiths, locksmiths, shoe shiners.....and beer joints. I wish so badly those walls could talk and tell me the stories of days past. Of immigrants struggling to make it. Of folk singers. Of families working verious jobs to keep bread on their table. Of rock critics with headphones wrapped around their head. Of stick ball in the alley. Of alchoholics, desperate to stop - or desperate to keep going. I want to hear their stories.

Three cabdrivers all get out of their car, leaving their yellow vehicles in the center of an intersection, and argue after a minor accident. We whizz by and they're gone as fast as they came. A very old man walks alone with a very small dog. What is he thinking about? Does he miss his late wife? Or does he want to get away from his very alive wife? My Haitian cab driver listens to people speak French on the radio. It all happens in the five minutes after I've seen Bob Dylan both frustrate and fascinate through an hour and a half at The Beacon Theatre. New York. 

Deliver Colonel Sanders Down To Davey Jones Locker

A few months ago I went to a minor league hockey game in Worcester, Massachusetts with my friend and fellow hockey fan Brian Coleman. Brian is a huge fan of Peter Forsberg and while I have a difficult time comprehending that, I allow it. Anyway, he and I have a very long history. We are actually twins, in fact, but got seperated at birth due to some, uh, situations which involved cases upon cases of black market Buffrin, some illegally smuggled poisonous cobras and Jarts, those crazy lawn darts from back it the 1970s. Really - don't ask.

Anyway, Brian and I were sitting and chatting when he told me he was in the process of putting the finishing touches on a book he had been working on. The idea he had for the book was one of those ideas where, after hearing it, you smack yourself in the forehead and say "why the hell can't I come up with an idea like that?" For me, I didn't need to smack myself in the forehead, though, as an errant slap shot took care of the job.

When I came to, Brian explained to me that back in the 1980s all those crazy-ass, massively influential rap records never had liner notes! I started thinking back to my high school days about the rap records I owned - the Run-DMC stuff, The Beastie Boys, etc. He was right! Brian has since grown up (ahem) to become a damn solid human being and also a writer (me = jealous). He's been published in various newspapers and magazines such as XXL, Scratch, Complex, CMJ Weekly & Monthly, URB, The Boston Herald, The Boston Phoenix, Blaze and the NY Press. He's a walking encyclopedia of of many different kinds of music, despite his apartment, which literally drips with vinyl, cassettes and CD's.

Anyway, Brian went back and expanded many of his "Classic Material" columns in XXL and put together what I define as definitive and ultimate liner notes for many classic rap and hip-hop albums, most of which make up the foundation for the very genre. Interviewed are Run-DMC, Schoolly D, 2-Live Crew, De La Soul, Public Enemy, Ice-T and one of my personal favorites, Slick Rick. And more. All told, 21 chapters and whole hell of a lot of blanks filled.

What I find most admiring about this endeavor is that Brian decided to release the book himself, bypassing all the distribution bullshit one has to endure. So, while inexplicably still a fan of cassette tapes, it's refreshing to see that Brian is also dialed into the new century, where self-publishing of media is fast becoming an accepted and in some cases, quite profitable venture. If you are at all a fan of old school hip-hop or rap, I implore you to buy this book, It's well written, interesting and a fun romp down memory lane.

Before we get to today's very special RustedRobot feature, I should also mention that Brian also dabbles in the web, having been a part of two unbelieveably funny (and now defunct) websites which defy explanation. The URL's alone merit enough laughter and I think it best we keep it all a secret for now.

So after all that - I bring you the latest installment of Item Five, featuring author, music fan, and friend, Brian Coleman. Hit it, run.

1. My introduction to hip-hop/rap was Run-DMC's "King of Rock" back in 1985 and I attribute/blame it all on MTV. As a somewhat normal kid in the 'burbs, it kind of blew my mind to hear and see that stuff. What was your introduction and do you remember anything specific about it?

I don’t think either of us were alone in getting introduced to hip-hop music through MTV and also by Run-DMC. I remember digging The Fat Boys before Run-DMC, but both groups started captivating me around the same time, 1983 and 1984. People front on the FatBoys, now and also back then, but they were a very talented group of guys. They played the gimmick up, of course, and became somewhat cartoonish, but their first two or three albums were great. I didn’t even know it at the time, but Kurtis Blow produced them. I dug “Basketball” by Kurtis Blow back then, too, come to think of it.

I’m not sure that I remember anything too specific about my first exposure. I remember the videos, of course. And I remember I always used to mow lawns (I had a small biz doing lawns for extra cash in High School) to Run-DMC’s “King Of Rock” album, definitely. I memorized it.

I think also like a lot of people, I didn’t treat hip-hop that much differently than any other music at the time. I’ve never listened to just one kind of music in my life, not back then and not now. So I was definitely buying Run-DMC and Boogie Boys albums at the same time I was checking out The Police and Black Flag and the Descendents. In reality, I was more of a punk rock kid than anything else, especially by the time I got to high school. So groups like Public Enemy and even the Beastie Boys weren’t a stretch, in attitude and approach.

2. Come clean - did you ever attempt break-dancing in public back then? Ever rap in the mirror?

To be honest, I never had the desire to break-dance. I respect it as an artform and as one of the four elements of hip-hop (alongside MCing, DJing and graffiti writing), but it’s never been anything I’ve been drawn to. I’m sure hip-hop nation is thankful for that. And yes, I have rapped in the mirror. Mostly LL Cool J’s “I Need Love.” You should have that memorized if you want to show your sensitive side in high school.

3. You and I were talking the other day and you mentioned something about trying to get a hold of hip-hop musicians which I thought was pretty funny. Tell it.....

Hip-hop guys, old-school and new, are always an adventure to get in touch with. I’ve never really tried to track down rock superstars, but I’m sure they’re about the same. I blame cell phones (note: I don’t have one and hope to never own one). It makes people even harder to get in touch with, since most of the guys I’ve dealt with change their cell numbers at least every couple months. They must lose them often or the numbers get out and they get a lot of calls they don’t want. So, eventually, you learn that if you want to stay in touch with anyone past the interview you’re doing, make sure you not only get their info, but their manager’s and/or some of their friends’ also. For example, trying to keep up with Kool Keith is near impossible, but I know Kutmasta Kurt (who works with him all the time) and Kurt’s much easier to reach. So when I need Keith, I reach out to Kurt. It becomes a game many times, and not always a fun one, especially when you’re on deadline. For example, I remember I had to talk to about six people to get to Erick Sermon from EPMD, and this was after I already had his cel number and had left a couple messages. Guess it’s not easy being so popular. I don’t have that problem so I can’t really relate.

4. I found that one of the most surprising chapters in the book was the 2 Live Crew chapter, a group I had kind of written off at the time as almost a joke band. Turns out they were far more influential than I thought. Have you "loved them long time?"

Sure, I’ve always loved 2 Live Crew. I’m sure I first got exposed to them with the “As Nasty As They Wanna Be” album [which I cover in the book], but in the years since I’ve dug a lot deeper, into their earlier stuff. And I’ve also talked to Mr. Mixx several times – he’s a really nice guy. 2 Live Crew were hugely influential in the South, Midwest and West, more than almost any New York rappers. It’s no stretch to say that hip-hop music in Florida or Texas, for example, is a whole different world than what’s coming out of New York. And artists will tell you – down there it’s about the SOUND (and, many times, the BASS), not as much about the lyrics. And, granted, a lot of 2 Live Crew lyrics weren’t up to par with a more accomplished lyricist like Rakim or Special Ed. But then again, if you went to a jam in Atlanta, you’d get a lot more people on the floor with 2 Live Crew than you would with a Rakim track. It’s all about where you’re at and what you’re trying to do. It doesn’t mean that either of them are better or worse. But ask Luke from 2 Live Crew how much money he made back in 1988 and then ask Rakim. Rakim had more respect, of course, but Luke probably made about 10x as much cash, because he put his stuff out on his own label and went gold and platinum.

On the artistic side with 2 Live Crew, Mr. Mixx’s music and DJing were most definitely influential, especially back when 2 Live Crew [as it also explains in the chapter, Luke wasn’t in the first version of 2 Live Crew, which started in California, not Miami … but Mixx was] first started getting heard in early 1986. They could do no wrong back then, everywhere *but* New York.

5. Rap/hip-hop have long been critized in the media as having negative influence on kids due to the content of the lyrics and images/stereotypes portrayed in videos. What's your opinion on that?

It’s impossible to make broad judgments on hip-hop, whether positive or negative. Just like rock music. People forget that, I think, and figure that because 50 Cent is popular and they don’t know shit about hip-hop, that he must be the representative of the whole genre.

Rather than being a negative influence, I’m more concerned with the lack of originality in hip-hop in the past 10 years than I am about the images and stereotypes it portrays. I agree that most groups on major labels (50 Cent, Jay-Z, P-Diddy) portray horrible images of themselves, and of women especially. But what annoys me more is how brainless and unchallenging all of their lyrics are. Think about it this way: horrible images can be found anywhere – have you ever watched Law & Order: SVU? Or, on the dangerous ideas front, what about “Jackass” or “backyard wrestling” videos? I’d rather have my kid watching women dancing around in bikinis than hearing about some of the heinous things that happen to kids and women on SVU. You can always raise kids right so that they know how to treat people with respect. I
mean, I’ve always listened to a lot of Slayer, but that doesn’t mean I love Satan and want to go out and kill people. And I like Judas Priest, but I haven’t ever wanted to kill myself.

Overall, the thing that makes me sad about kids today who buy albums by the abovementioned artists just seem kind of sheep-like, or at least not people who care about music or people who can look at things critically. There are dozens and dozens of great hip-hop groups (on the major labels there’s Kanye West, Jurassic 5 and even Nas and Dead Prez on occasion; and in the indie world there are so many – Madlib, Mr. Lif, Lyrics Born, Edan, Z-Trip, Blueprint and Anticon for starters) out there making thoughtful, provocative and superior music. You just don’t see them on MTV. But MTV isn’t to blame – they’re in the business of making money and they’ll make it however they can. Showing hip-hop artists driving around in fancy cars and letting women sell themselves out to make $500 as an extra in a video is just the easiest way to do that. If you stop watching and buying those albums, they’d have to change the way they think about things. All you have to do is read a magazine like URB or check out Davey D’s website to find hundreds of alternatives. Kids who buy 50 Cent albums are just lazy, I think. If they had an alternative and compared it against what they listen to now they’d probably take it. When I was 15 I didn’t just accept whatever was on the radio, I went digging for stuff. 50 Cent should indeed be able to make all that money if people are dumb enough to buy his albums. It’s a free country.

6. My first rap concert was the Beastie Boys at the Worcester Centrum in 1986 on the "Licenced to Ill" tour. I was 15! Public Enemy were the opening band. Which of those two groups do you think had more importance to the hip-hop/rap world in the 1986-1992 time period?

That’s a tough question. Both of them were hugely influential, for different reasons. The Beastie Boys were (and still are) only moderately talented as MCs. Their first album was important because: (1) they were white, and white kids who didn’t like hip-hop were all of a sudden like “hey, rap music is pretty good, it even has guitars and everything.” And we all know what “crossover success” means to a group, and in this case, a whole genre. The Beasties were a gateway to getting to Boogie Down Productions and Eric B & Rakim. (2) the production on the “Licensed To Ill” album was pretty amazing – I’d still say it’s some of Rick Rubin’s finest work. People who loved rap already could at least respect it on that level. And (3) they made great videos. “Fight For Your Right” is still one of the funniest videos ever made.

The Beastie Boys obviously went on to make a couple more solid and pretty important records after the first one, but hip-hop people, at least not serious hip-hop people, didn’t pay as much attention to them. “Licensed To Ill” was hugely influential, though. And they were indeed a novelty, but they weren’t a joke. Try and count the number of records that sampled something off that first album, especially the vocals. I mean, NWA was obsessed with the Beastie Boys (listen to their first two records – “NWA And The Posse” and “Straight Outta Compton”). Go figure. But it proves that they weren’t a joke.

Public Enemy, on the other hand, were also a novelty in their own way, because they were so extreme and so blunt and in-your-face. (And let it be noted that I consider them to be the greatest hip-hop artist or group of all time.) But musically and lyrically, they couldn’t be touched during that era, at least not as far as musical power was concerned. Lyrically they brought politics to rap in a way that hadn’t been done before, and musically their stuff was so complex, occasionally disconcerting and funky that you just couldn’t ignore them.

As for which group was better and more important to hip-hop as an artform then it’s definitely Public Enemy. But as for which one was more influential, for better or worse it was the Beasties. They brought whitey fully into the fold, and they had some pretty good music to boot.

7. I know this is a collection of past material you've written for a column, but did any of these stories shock or surprise you in any way and did it result in you having more (or less) respect for a musician/band? Did any of these stories cause you to go back and re-listen to something that you didn't originally care for?

I can’t say that any of these interviews made me view any of the artists in a more positive light, because I already loved or at least greatly respected all of them before I did the interviews. My column in XXL was called “Classic Material” and I would only cover albums that were considered classic – so that narrows the field a great deal. But I guess two artists that I learned a lot more about and as a result had even more respect for were The D.O.C. (who was one of the main, albeit uncredited, guys behind the NWA phenomenon back in 1986-1988) and Oakland’s Too $hort. Especially $hort because, like 2 Live Crew, some people think he’s a gimmick, because he does indeed talk about the ladies and about hustling quite a bit. But, like 2 Live Crew, he also really cares about his music. He worked his ass off before his first album in 1987, for like 4-5 years, doing homemade tapes he sold to people direct, and eventually through stores. He really takes his music very seriously, as all of the artists in the book do. So those guys were great to talk to. D.O.C. was almost killed in a car crash in 1989 before his career even started to take off (he speaks with an extreme rasp that’s hard to even make out, until you get used to it) and he’s had a rough time ever since then with drugs and depression. So I’m glad he’s still around. And I bet most people out there don’t even know Too $hort (unless you’re reading this in Houston or Cali), but he has more gold records than just about any rock artist you can name.

8. What happened to beastshaver.com and hamstorm.com? Those are two excellent URL's.

Yeah, I’m sorry to have seen those go by the wayside. Hamstorm.com was Rich Benton’s thing, and he let it expire (and never added as much to it as he should have). I’m afraid that I’m to blame for Beastshaver.com expiring. But they were good while they lasted. We still have all the Beastshaver images (and promo posters) so one day we’ll bring those back. Obviously the public will demand it at some point.

9. Are you still in your "cassette tapes are cool" phase?

I’ve been in that phase since about 1983.

10. What are your thoughts on hip-hop today? Do you think there are artists out there who will be looked upon 20 years from now the way you've done in your book?

For the first question, I guess I answered most of that in Question 5. And for the second part of the question, I’d say “probably not.” Maybe I’m wrong, but I don’t get goosebumps today as much as I did back in 1988 when I heard hip-hop stuff. Back then it was like a couple times a month at least. Nowadays I hear an incredible track or album about once every 4-5 months. I really don’t think most artists out there try very hard. And most of them aren’t talking about anything meaningful anyways. Some are (like the artists I mentioned in Question 5), but not the majority. You definitely have to look harder for important hip-hop today. And that’s too bad. But then again – who says you have to listen to new music all day long? I don’t. I have a Joy Division tape in my car deck right now. And I’m very happy to listen to old KDAY and DJ Red Alert tapes [LA and NYC radio shows from the ‘80s] when nothing new grabs me.

11. Sad to say, but don't you think there should be a ban on all Flavor Flav public appearances?

I say Flav should be able to do what he wants. But Brigitte should not be allowed anywhere near a Public Enemy concert, or also within 500 yards of me. Poor Chuck D – did you see the “open letter” that he put out a couple weeks back (I think you can find it on Davey D’s website)? Flav has always been crazy, so it’s nothing new. But he definitely has questionable taste in the ladies.

12. Alright, go ahead, why don't you ask me a question?

Aren’t you glad I don’t have a blog and that you aren’t my webmaster? Also – is it more of a pain owning a record label or owning a house?

[Answer] I've spent hours and hours slaving on this thing, editing it to make you look smart. I mean, I basically wrote the whole damn thing, dude. So yes, I'm so glad I'm not your webmaster (kidding...really).

It's way more of a pain owning a record label than a house. At least with a house you can paint a wall or mow a lawn and step back almost immeadiately and say "hey - I did that." With a record label, it's more like "hey - did I really do that? Why?"

Many thanks to Brian......buy his book. Really. 

There Are No Sins Inside The Gates Of Eden

Well, this certainly constitutes a shocker. It's actually difficult to believe that they actually named John Ratzenberger the new pope, but it seems true. It's not really a traditional appointment, but maybe the church has decided that it's time to pay tribute to pop culture, you know? Perhaps an attempt to get a more younger, hipper kind of believer inside those church doors? After all, the church today is largely made up of older people. That said, it was certainly a day of wide-eyed surprise for the pilgrims who made their way to St. Peter's Square yesterday in Rome.

So it's true. Just minutes after the plume of white smoke billowed out of the chimney, John Ratzenberger emerged yesterday on the Vatican balcony as the 265th pontiff! As the tens of thousands of stunned, yet grateful people gathered in St. Peter's Square to cheer him, Ratzenberger paused, raised his arms, and made his first address to the waiting throng of the devoted:

"You know, it's a little known fact that the smartest animal is a pig. Scientists say if pigs had thumbs and a language, they could be trained to do simple manual labor. They give you 20-30 years of loyal service and then at their retirement dinner you can eat them."

With that, Ratzenberger walked back in to survey his new surroundings and was heard to say "oh boy, when the gang from Cheers comes to visit, there's going to be real hijinks!"

Oh - wait a minute here. The new pope's name is Joseph Ratzinger. Nevermind.

Well, in other very amusing tidbits, it seems that the song "Total Eclipse of the Heart" hasn't aged so well. Before I get to the link, though, I must relay a childhood story. I remember one day after school, I had rode my bike across town to hang out with some friends. We had just discovered girls, so you can imagine what it was we were doing - riding our bikes past cute girls houses to see if they'd come out and pay just a smidge of attention to us. Of course, we'd never actually go knock on the door, though. That would be far too logical and we all know from experience that logic isn't something many young teen boys posess much of. Oh, the stories I could tell.

Anyway, we pulled into the driveway of one Jenny Bailey and we caught her at the right time - she was standing there at the door, and "Total Eclipse of the Heart" was just absolutely cranking on the stereo and she was singing right along. You could hear it a block away (the song, not Jenny). Ever since then, whenever I hear that song, I think of Jenny Bailey standing in her doorway.

My point has nothing whatsoever to do with Jenny Bailey. My point is this: some dudes did a rendition of this song that must be seen to be believed (the top link is a DivX file, the bottom link can be viewed using Quicktime). Make it a point to watch this. It has it all - old kitchen appliances, ass cracks, long beards....the works. I'm here to help you through the day, kids. Tip of the hat here to to Dan for pointing this one out. A classic. 

Everybody's Looking For Something

I have these recurring dreams. I'm writing. Writing. Writing furiously. They're long, complex and beautiful sentences, using words I've never heard before. Words that don't even exist, in fact, yet it all makes perfect sense. Nobody ever sees or reads it, though. They're only in my thoughts and by the time I take a second to look down to the paper after what feels like hours of writing - there's nothing. White. What does it mean?

Podding:
Cheri Knight - The Hatfield Side
Grant Lee Buffalo - Honey Don't Think
Simon & Garfunkel - Flowers Never Bend With The Rainfall
Creation - Making Time
Lucinda Williams - Can't Let Go
The Cars - Just What I Needed
Dead Or Alive - You Spin Me Round (Like A Record)
Gillian Welch - Caleb Meyer
Preston School of Industry - Walk of a Gurl
REO Speedwagon - Keep On Loving You 

Here Is Your Throat Back, Thanks For The Loan

I did two things this weekend that I have never done before.

1. Saw Merle Haggard live. I know, I know, you think of Merle Haggard and you probably think it's the music that only overweight, 65 year old truck drivers listen to anymore. Wrong. Merle Haggard is probably more punk rock than anything on your local alternative radio stations these days. I am a longtime fan, in fact, so it was really a treat to be able to finally see him perform and he didn't disappoint. He might be balding, gray and the same age as that truck driver I mentioned, but that voice is still as crisp and gold as ever. He only played about 45 minutes as he was opening for Bob Dylan, but I did get to hear most of the chestnuts (Mama Tried, Tonight The Bottle Let Me Down, Hungry Eyes, etc). Noticably absent from the setlist was Sing Me Back Home (probably my fave Hag tune) and The Old Man From The Mountain, another one I really love. Despite the omissions, great & solid stuff.

I had seen Dylan a couple of times in years past and both times I was blown away, especially by his band. This was much of the same. I had to go back and look at the source for most of the songs on his setlist last night and it seemed the majority came from the John Wesley Harding album, including the absolutely rollicking opener, called "Drifter's Escape," a song I had really never heard. Last night's show leaned more towards the rock side of things, which I definitely appreciate. However, I had heard Dylan was doing more country-fied numbers this time around, which I would have been very interested in seeing, since the previous Dylan shows I had seen were also on the rocking end. So when we got there and saw the various instruments set aside (mandolin, banjo, etc), I thought we'd get some Nashville Skyline type stuff. Not to be. That's okay, I suppose. I mean, how can you be disappointed by a Dylan show? Pretty difficult. It's like trying to choose between Marlene Dietrich or Elizabeth Taylor in their prime.

2. I swung an axe. Part of our weekend activity was to remove two fairly large shrubs from the front of our house. Most of the work on our house thus far has been of the indoor variety and we're starting to think more about the outside now. There's isn't much we can do about the positively hideous light green color of our house yet, but there is something we could do about the two ridiculous cone-shaped spruce in our front yard - chop 'em down. There would be two benefits to getting rid of these - one is not having to see the damn things anymore and other is that the snake who lived in one of them would now be facing eviction. Never having swung an axe brought about my first problem - I don't have an axe. I borrowed my neighbor's axe and after removing some of the lower branches on large spruce cone #1, began chopping away, feeling mightly powerful and manly. I hadn't swung the thing more than 9 or 10 times (and made slight headway) before my neighbor approached, asked me how I was doing, and then suggested "why don't we just use this?" I looked up and saw him holding the holy grail. A chain saw. Literally 45 seconds later, both cones had been felled. Hooray for dangerous, automated cutting chains!

You cannot, however, use a chain saw to dig up the giant root ball for each. So I spent the next hour-and-a-half fighting that. But it was a beautiful day, so it's cool. Steph and I have both remarked several times how nice it is "to have the cones gone." 

The Pump Don't Work 'Cause The Vandals Took The Handles

Two related stories in this morning's Boston Globe: one of the city's mainstay publications, The Atlantic, has announced they are packing up and moving south, to Washington, D.C. The magazine, a 148 year Boston institution, doesn't come right out and say it's just too expensive to do business in Boston these days, but read between the lines. I question the Globe's reporting practices on this story - nobody comes right out and says it costs too much to do business here, and that's disturbing. Anyone with half a brain knows it. My gut: did a city official reach out the Globe and ask them to go light on this one?

The other (related) story focuses on recent U.S. Census numbers which indicate that the number of people leaving Suffolk County (aka Boston and its surrounding towns) is growing. Well, did anyone not see this coming? I'm remembering a conversation I had with a real estate agent a couple of years ago and he ended up irritating me with some comments about the overheated real estate market. I remember telling him something along the lines of "well, when people start leaving this area because of the cost of living, you may have to get yourself a second job." He laughed at me. I'm sure he's doing ok.

Bottom line: people are leaving. Smart people. People I know. Most importantly, middle class people like us, who make enough money and should be able to enjoy the spoils that a city has to offer. They're tipping their hat and saying buh-bye. Could Steph and I have bought a condo in town? Sure. But who wants to spend more than half their income on housing? Experts say that your cost for housing should be roughly 28-30% of your income. In Boston the average is, ready for this, nearing 60%! What person in their right mind would buy something in an area where you're spending 60% of your gross income just to maintain a residence? If you're a parent, living there means you have little-to-no-hope of saving for the future and to top it off, you would have to live with a school system for your children which leaves a little something to be desired. Sterling, MA doesn't sound so bad now, does it? (inside joke, sorry)

I don't think it's over by any stretch, either. Massachusetts officials stammer and stutter that the U.S. Census Bureau isn't counting college students or immigrants and say that the actual numbers are rising! "Just look around the city," they say. To that, I say bull. When I look around the city, I see that all of my friends have left in the last 2-3 years. Poof. This claim is desperation and obvious spin on the part of our city officials. If things keep heading this way, and there's no sign this is going to stop, Boston's going to turn into a playground for the overly privledged and an even worse nightmare for the less privledged than it is now. The result will be a city without a soul, no different than Omaha, Birmingham or Phoenix. The city officials know it - they've known it for years now. Furthermore, as more time passes and more people smarten up and realize that the playing field is leveling off in our country, the chances of "world class" being lopped off as a common descriptor of Boston become closer and closer to a reality.

It's a damn shame, really. The city would rather sop up all the money they can now on short-term gains than realize that Al Gore's invention really has changed everything and it's still only scratched the surface. You can set up shop and run a business from just about anywhere now. You can double your living space and most importantly, for both of these (labor and living), you can cut your overall costs in half by moving away via any two hour plane ride to anywhere. Bad sign. The city had better get off its greedy high-horse soon.

Yesterday's picture: Cari was close. It's a bird's eye view, indeed, however it's not a floor lamp. It's actually a picture taken directly above 1/5th of our new chandelier which sits directly above our dining room table. It has five little polished steel branches off the hub of the light and this is one of them, which exlains the metal bar going up and to the left. The "blur" is the small light blub. Cool. 

They’ll Zip You Up & Dress You Down

OK, since yesterday's mystery photo was so much fun, I'm doing another one. Any idea what this might be? Leave comment....

By the way, this whole "guess-what-the-photo-is" thing is a product of trying to keep things interesting while I have writer's block. I just don't know what to write lately. Perhaps it's a microcosm for a lot of things right now - not knowing what to do about a lot of things. It'll pass.

Yesterday's photo: all good guesses, thanks for the comments. It was probably the reddish hue that threw a lot of you off, though. The hue was caused by some burgundy curtains I have in my office at home. The picture is actually a close up of the bottom left-hand side of a fan. Yee-haw. 

Let It Snow, Let It Snow......

Before I get to a couple of recently snapped photos, I wanted to go a little old school and talk about Guns 'N' Roses. I don't need to go into any detail about Axl - he's pretty much turned into a pathetic cartoon character of himself. What a downfall. The strange thing is that he didn't actually do anything specific to facilitate it - didn't molest children, didn't get married/divorced in Las Vegas, didn't start a reality show. In fact, not doing anything is the precise reason for his downfall!

Turn the clocks back to 1989-1992, though, and you've got a band at the top of the mountain. Appetite for Destruction is obviously one of the strongest rock records of its time. But I also believe that Use Your Illusion I and II unquestionably contains some of their best music. I still can't really figure out why they didn't just take the best of each Illusion and make one record. Had they done that, I could argue that collection would have trounced Appetite. I can't make that argument, though, because they did what all the famous, narcissistic bands do at the height of their fame - a double album. Almost always the wrong move.

Anyway, here's what I'm getting at: lots of people don't know that it wasn't Axl who was the glue in that band, it was Izzy Stradlin. Stradlin wrote all the best material on both of those albums. Even the strongest songs that Axl sang lead on, Izzy wrote. Take closer listens to "14 Years" and "Dust & Bones," two incredibly overlooked songs (sung by Stradlin) that still easily stand the test of time. After you listen to those, drop the needle on tripe like "You Could Be Mine" (from Terminator 2) or the ultimate waste of time, the 5 hour power-ballad "Don't Cry." They sound bloated, dated and.....bad. Since Izzy left the Guns after the Illusion records were released, nothing has been the same for that band. They went through many changes and haven't released a single studio album since, although there are some stories floating out there about a new song making the rounds. I'm not holding my breath, but I do think it would be cool if they made a kick-ass album totally out of nowhere, because expectations are so low.

This one is for all those people who are on the news saying things like "hey, it's New England, I love the snow!"




OK, prize of the day goes to the first person who can tell me what this is. 

I'll Take You To The Candy Shop

I really love stories like this. Seems someone got through a locked door or whatever and managed to change the wording of a street sign here in the Boston area. Nothing cracks me up more than a good, innocent prank or ridiculous out-of-the-ordinary events. It's part of the reason why I believe Arrested Development is, far and away, the best show on TV. They do shit on that show that is just hysterical. Anyway, back when I was in college, my roommate and I would often (and still do, occasionally) make reference to a story which occured in a Cleveland mall just before Easter sometime in the early 1990's. The mall had their standard set-up: kids and their parents, lined up several hundred feet to have their picture taken with the Easter Bunny. As it was nearing lunch, the "Easter Bunny" got up and approached the guy running the whole get-up and let him know that it was breaktime and he would be back in whatever number of minutes he was alotted for break.

The bossman disagreed it was breaktime, however, noting the abnormally long line of children desperate to meet their floppy-eared Easter friend. The "Easter Bunny" didn't take so well to the fact that he was being denied what surely was 15 minutes of furious chain smoking and a slice of all-meat pizza at Sbarro's, so he did what any sane, professional Easter Bunny would do - he tackled the guy and beat the living the crap out of him, in front of a long line of now horrified, crying and scarred children.

Now, yes, I acknowledge that this is terrible. I am sure that if one of my kids were waiting in that line and witnessed such debauchery, I might have has some splainin' to do to my poor, severely distraught child. All said, a parent doesn't want their kid seeing that stuff. But I don't have kids and that shit is funny. I mean, it's funny! You know? When you step back and picture a dude in a bunny suit beating the crap out of some plainclothes guy who runs the Easter Bunny booth at the mall? Priceless.

I've been thinking a lot lately about dream jobs. Not made-up dream jobs, either, like baseball superstar or "protector of the beach" or something. I'm talking about attainable dream jobs. I think one of my dream jobs would be to perform the role of music supervisor for films. This entails, basically, finding the right song for a certain mood or to enhance a certain atmosphere in a movie. There's another part of it, too, which involves acquiring rights and negotiating fees, etc, but still - not a bad gig. Without patting myself on the back too much, I believe I would do a kick ass job at this. I'd be interested in hearing some of your "real" dream jobs. Do comment if you want.

One of my other dream jobs is writing. It seems for the longest time I've wanted to write. In fact, my only attempt to write a book was way back in the sixth grade when I tried to write a complete rip-off of "The A-Team." The larceny was so bad I even had the guys in a van with a stripe. Embarassing now, yes. Still, I would give just about anything to have a copy of that bile in my hands right now.

While I don't get paid for writing here, it's still such a liberating few minutes of total freedom each day (or so) to do whatever I want, on my terms. To that end, you'll see some very interesting Item Five interviews in this space soon, which branch out a little bit from the normal. Stay tuned.... 

Please Tell Me I'm Wrong

Count Stephanie and I among the many who were saddened by the Pope's death last weekend. It was clear that he was a truly caring man, particularly for the poor, hungry and especially for children. It was a sad day, indeed. I won't get into some of his 19th century viewpoints such as opposing a woman's right to choose or not allowing them into the church, but hey, everyone's entitled to their own opinion. He was a good man. Anyway, my only point here is that the picture accompanying today's post was taken from the front page of today's Boston Globe.

Now, having limited experience in the whole business of writing headlines (read: the occasional dabble at the college newspaper), I know that there are some people out there who write some tongue-in-cheek headlines, completely on purpose. To be more specific, I recall that some of the kids at the college newspaper at Kent had gotten a hold of a certain newspaper headline which was supposed to read: "Clinton's Pen Is A Sword." Unfortunately, the editors must have been too busy (or stoned?) to realize they forgot to put the space in between the words "Pen" and "Is." The result, which ran as a headline in all the newspapers: "Clinton's Penis A Sword."

Hilarious, yes. However, I can't help but feel like maybe there were some juvenile shenanigans involved somehow in today's headline. The city of Boston, which has been at the epicenter of the whole clergy sexual abuse scandal, probably didn't need to see this headline, and a picture below it of a dour-looking gentleman. It could have been written another way. I'm not sure if it was done on purpose, but those newspaper people sure do have an odd sense of humor sometimes. I'd hate to think they did it on purpose, so I'm sorry for the pessimism.

The story is actually about New England natives who met the Pope, how it affected their life and how they felt after meeting him. It's actually quite a nice story. 

Violent Blooms Of Flowered Dresses

When I get around to putting together the list of my top 5 bands of the 1990's, I do believe Cracker has a good shot to make that list. They released four terrific recordings during that decade and their lead singer, David Lowery (who also fronted the nearly unstoppable Camper Van Beethoven in the 1980's), has got to be one of the more clever songwriting geniuses of our time. I can just about guarantee you that I could put together at least 5-10 Cracker songs that you've never heard before which you would like instantly. I guarantee it.

Anyway, Lowery wrote a pretty short, but magnificent diatribe which appears on the blog of one of his friends. The post is titled "How To Win Friends & Influence People In The Music Business." Lowery's advice is pretty simple and it brought me back to my time in the music business - incredibly fun and horribly frustrating at the same time.

Just for the hell of it, I'm also including the lyrics to the Lowery-penned tune "Lullabye" from 1998's Gentleman's Blues

Only when I laugh does it hurt.
The doctor says "please son remove your skirt."
"I'll be glad to comply, but I'm not wearing one."
The doctor says "That's strange, nor am I..."

A Scotsman throws a pole into the air,
The aldermen all vote in some affair.
The mayor he abstained, and ain't that strange?
He's still a bachelor, perhaps he's gay.

Our corpses laid out neatly on a slab,
Professor's working madly in his lab.
The assistant files her nails and checks her hair,
There's just a hint of danger in the air.

There's just a hint of danger in the air,
No one is alarmed or seems to care.
Everyone is happy, we're all fine.
We all fall in love all the time.

Yeah we all fall in love from a plane,
With the stewardess--she serves us in our dreams.
When we wake we find that it has rained
When it rains it lulls us back to sleep.

So rest your weary eyes and go to sleep,
Or rest your weary head and come to me.
Or move your lips and sing this lullabye,
Move your lips and sing this lullabye. 

So Close And Yet So Far

Inspired by my recent acquisition of the Walker Evans book "Many Are Called," I've been walking around with my camera quite a bit lately in an attempt to catch real people doing life's mundane tasks. This particular shot was taken last week while I was sitting in the airport at Burbank, CA, waiting for my flight to San Francisco to board.

I took a couple of others, but I found this one to be the most interesting. This married couple were completely buried in their respective books. Occasionally, they would glance up at the same time, look around, and maybe mumble something to each other, all of which would take about five seconds, then it was back into the book. It reminded me a lot of ice dancing - a lot of synchronized movement.

You can interpret this picture in two ways, I guess. One would be to look at the almost exact postures of both - they're almost 100% in sync in the way they're reading. Is this twin-like posture simply because they've been together and in love so long that their physical tendencies and habits have just morphed? Or turn it 180 degrees the other way - you could say there isn't even a hint of love here. The pocketbook is wedged between them - a clear, divisive barrier. There is not a single item, be it a coat, a hand, anything of one's touching the other. Are they a bored couple, just living it out? We'll never know.

The following day was a Saturday and I basically had the weekend to wander about. Since I've spent quite a lot of time in San Francisco proper, I decided it was time to take a drive north of the city to Muir Woods. Muir Woods is home to some of the world's tallest Redwood trees and I thought it would be a good opportunity for me to grab some snapshots. In addition, I had actually never seen a Redwood in person, so I was very curious to view the famous giants.

The woods themselves weren't unlike any other woods I've ever trudged through. California has seen its share of rain this season and then some, so the woods were quite vibrant and green, but the trees are the all-stars. The pictures I took didn't come out as well as I'd hoped, but some of them do capture the bright colors and contrasts. Had I not included picture #4 in this set, you would never really get a good grasp of how magnificent and gigantic these trees really are. Picture #8 is also a little misleading - I am not really that bald.

I should make a note to family and friends - I will never snap a picture of you without your knowledge. I only do it to strangers. Really. 

Friday Night And The Lights Are Low

Courtesy of my friend Matt, you must view this video by clicking here.

The end of the new kitchen era has finally arrived. We've actually had a functional kitchen now since mid-December, but it took us three months to really finish things up. Things like painting and tiling take time, you know. Especially when there's trips to Hawaii and work jaunts to the west coast. So, for your edification, I've put together a nice little step-by-step slideshow of the kitchen, from day one in October to just last week, when the final piece of tile was glued to the wall and grouted. Eight pictures looks so simple, but if you're thinking about doing something along the lines of a kitchen renovation, I'd strongly advise you prepare for the worst and talk to people who've had it done already. Enjoy.