rustedrobot

General Hospital

2007-04-20T08:59:00.000-04:00

Amusing little tidbit. We're at the hospital last night for a class from 7-9pm and afterwards everyone is shuffling about, asking questions, gathering papers, hitting the bathroom, etc and I go out into the hallway and wait for Steph. It's dark and quiet. After I accidentally caused a minor ruckus by opening the huge doors to the critical care unit (don't ask), I walked the other way and around the corner to a small waiting area, where lo and behold, there's a group of nurses transfixed on........Grey's Anatomy. Hah! We have a few friends who work in the medical world and they tell us (as expected) that Grey's is nothing like working in a hospital. No surprise there. But it's good TV. Not really a surprise to see them, but it was kinda funny.

This site will be undergoing some major construction over the next few days. If everything goes as planned, I'll be transferring this entire platform off of Blogger and onto Wordpress. If there's a meltdown, there won't be any changes, but so far things are progressing. So if things look weird for a couple of days, that's why. If you subscribe to this site in RSS, you may need to re-subscribe at some point. I'll let you know.

I promised myself I wouldn't comment here about th...

2007-04-19T08:39:00.000-04:00

I promised myself I wouldn't comment here about the Virginia Tech thing, but the news about the "multimedia manifesto" that the killer sent to NBC just has me irritated beyond belief. Look, I know that media is a business. The more eyeballs they get, the more subscriptions they get, the more viewers they get, all the better. I can't change the fact that sex and violence sell. That will never change. But the media has got to start looking at itself here. Just because the killer sent some material, it doesn't mean it should be splashed all over the airwaves.

Time and time again, they almost glamorize these murderers by giving them around-the-clock coverage on TV and in newspapers. Young people who are mentally ill or depressed see this coverage and see all the attention it gets. Part of the mantra here is a desperate cry for attention. What better way to get it? This particular person even cited the two Columbine killers. Surely if the media hadn't draped those two Colorado kids all over the place a few years back, there would have never been that association. Why can't media outlets - for once - try something new and skillfully report on the news, but leave all the pictures and names out of it? Completely ignore the murderer - don't give them what they want! Don't show others that they, too, can be "famous." But no, the media rolls on just like Charlie Brown......each time, the football is yanked when they go to kick it.

Who knows how long it'll be before someone else cites this jerkoff after another mass killing......

The Friendly Confines of RustedRobot

2007-04-16T08:12:00.000-04:00

OK, so this is the first Item Five I've done where someone else actually hooked me up with the interviewee. Typically I like to seek them out myself and typically they've done something such as create an album or write a book that caused me to seek the person out and interview them, but this one was too good to let off the hook, really.

Len Kasper is the play-by-play guy TV commentator for the Chicago Cubs. That's right, a bonafide STAH! Right here on the Robot! Thanks to my friend and ex-blogger Matt Hickey, I was able to interview Len and ask him some questions about baseball and music. You know, you always picture these pro sports broadcasters as dudes who really only listen to Jimmy Buffet or maybe, if you're lucky, U2. Len, however, appears to have impeccable taste in music, which is why Matt thought it might be a fun interview. And it was!

Without further ado, say hello to Len Kasper, the coolest baseball broadcaster in the world.

1. This is the probably the only question I'll ask that tons of people have asked you previously - how did you get to be the TV play-by-play guy for the Cubs?
I was the TV play-by-play announcer with the Florida Marlins and I applied for the Cubs job when it opened after the 2004 season. I didn't really think I had a realistic shot at it because it was, in my opinion, the #1 job in the business and I figured some pretty big names would apply. I found out early, to my surprise, that I was someone they liked. I got an interview and after Dave O'Brien (whom I replaced in Florida in 2002 when he left for ESPN) wasn't allowed out of his ESPN contract, I was offered the job and accepted very quickly. One of the other finalists, Matt Vasgersian, is also a good friend who worked in Milwaukee years ago and helped give me my first chance to do TV play-by-play by doing some national games, which freed up some Brewers games for me. So, it was definitely an interesting process involving some people I know and respect very, very much. I don't know how I got it, but I'm not giving it back! It is truly the best job I could ever have imagined, in every way.

2. Despite most people thinking that baseball players are overpaid babies, I've always contended that their brutal travel schedules and seemingly endless stretch of work from February through October somewhat justifies higher salaries than some other professions. Thoughts?
First off, I never hold it against people for making a lot of money. We're in a free market society and the going rate for a big league player is pretty high and I know that everyone who criticizes them would gladly take their salary. All you can do in any job is work as hard as you can to be the best you can be and hope to take care of your family. It's a job. Granted, it's an amazing job to be able to play baseball for a living, but somebody has to do it!

3. Along the lines of #2, you virtually do the same amount of traveling as the major leaguers, so maybe you can tell people first hand what that schedule is like, being away from the family so much (especially after two full MLB baseball seasons and the "newness" of it all wearing off).
The ONLY negative to the job is being away from my family. The travel itself isn't bad. We get to stay in really nice hotels, fly on chartered planes and our luggage always shows up at our hotel room. I will never complain about that. I love seeing all the cities in baseball as well. But being away from home for 10 days at a time isn't easy on families. The payoff though is in the winter when I'm at home virtually 24 hours a day.

4. You were with the Marlins in '03 when they won the World Series. National TV was covering that, but did you get to call the game or be involved with it other than as a spectator?
I helped out on Marlins radio throughout the post-season and attended every game, including all seven games vs. the Cubs. It was quite a ride.

5. At one point in my life, I aspired to be you. Not you specifically, but doing what you're doing. I did play-by-play for a CCHA hockey team for a couple of years, worked a couple of gopher boy assignments for CBS Sports, including a sweet stint at the World Series in 92-93 when the Blue Jays were winning the World Series (I was on the field when Carter hit that home run!!). At the age of 21, it seemed like a glorious life. When I actually did it, it didn't seem so glamorous. What is the most UNgloroius part of your job?
That's a good question. I guess I would just say that for me, I love every part of it. I really enjoy being at the ballpark every day and doing research on players and teams and the history of the game. But I've had a few people who don't really know what I do assume that I just show up a few minutes before the first pitch and then leave the minute the game ends. They think I work three hours a day! The reality is, for me, it's a lifetime commitment. I'm on-line every single day of the year reading about baseball and I'm at the park for a good seven hours on gameday. It's not necessarily UNglorious, as you put it, but it IS a job and I take it very, very seriously.

6. Do you ever quote obscure music lyrics during the baseball broadcasts? I always thought it would be awesome to hear a play-by-play guy somehow associate Big Star, Sloan or Television with a play that occured on the field. Like, you'd smile to yourself after you said it and think to yourself "4 people just understood what I said." Ever do that or consider doing it?
Oh sure, we've done that a few times. My partner Bob Brenly is REALLY hip and is into great music and independent movies. We've quoted Waiting For Guffman before. I'm pretty sure we've dropped in there "What happened?" from another Christopher Guest movie (I think it was Mighty Wind). I try to be current and reach as many people as we can with our humor, but occasionally, my indy movie and music tastes will creep in. Way back when I was doing a high school football game involving a team called the Monroe Cheesemakers. I opened the broadcast with this: "In Monty Python's Life of Brian, it was declared, 'Blessed are the Cheesemakers' and such is the case with the Monroe football team." I thought that was the best line I've ever used. And probably nobody got it.

7. Are you originally a Cubs fan?
I grew up in Michigan and was a Tigers fan as a kid. My hero was Ernie Harwell, the longtime Tigers' radio announcer. On the field, it was Alan Trammell and Lou Whitaker and that early-'80s club. What a thrill for me when I heard Trammell was hired this year to be the Cubs' bench coach! Alan might be the nicest human being I've ever met (next to Ernie).

8. A little bird told me that you recently got up on stage and sung a few cover tunes at a local benefit. Tell me more!
Well, Bob Brenly and I hosted a charity concert at the House of Blues Chicago and we had an awesome lineup: Ryan Adams & The Cardinals headlining with The Redwalls as the opener. The thing sold out in a couple hours. All the organizers of the event kept prodding Bob and me to do a couple covers in the middle of the show. So after awhile, I threw up my hands and said, "OK, but if we're going to do it, we're going to do it right." So, I recruited a great power pop band from Milwaukee, STaLL (made up of some good friends of mine) and we mapped out a plan. Bob played guitar and I sang (with STaLL on guitar, bass and drums) and we did "Folsom Prison Blues" and "Summertime Blues." I thought it went over pretty well. A few missed notes, but the vibe was there and people (hopefully) appreciated the effort. We figured we didn't have to be good, we just had to be brave and we pulled it off! No backing tracks or any trickery, just good old-fashioned rock and roll. In fact, after we played a brief clip of our performance on a WGN spring training broadcast, I received a very nice letter from Johnny Cash's long-time manager, who was so impressed with our take on "Folsom" that he sent me a Johnny Cash best of CD collection. Maybe he was hinting, "This is how it's supposed to sound!" At any rate, he also said he was a long-time Cubs fan and had gone to Wrigley for the first time in 1937. Cubs fans are everywhere!

9. I love when wacky baseball shit happens. For example, remember when Chan Ho Park was pitching for the Dodgers and someone charged the mound? He jumped up and did a karate kick for the ages. Hilarious. Of course, there's the AMAZING tantrum thrown by Pirates coach Lloyd McLendon when he literally stole a base while arguing a call. So many funny things - what's the funniest baseball moment you've broadcast?
In Florida once, there was a beehive in the stands, so they cordoned off an entire section and literally called a bee expert to come in and remove the hive. But the best part was, he showed up DURING the game to do it. So, while we're trying to broadcast an Expos-Marlins tilt, we're also doing play-by-play of the "Bee Man" trying to remove the hive. Now that I look back on it, we really should have won an award for that broadcast. It was surreal.

10. Do you think Kerry Wood and Mark Prior need to be placed into the "ghosts of Cubs past" category?
Wow, I knew Wood and Prior would come up. You know, on a personal level, I like both guys so much, I really hope they come back and resume their careers as Cubs. As a realist, I just don't know if/when that will happen. They've both had a tough time staying healthy the last few years and neither is healthy at the moment. It's really a shame.

11. Would you rather see the Cubs win the World Series or Tommy Keene in the rock-and-roll Hall of Fame?
Don't do that to me! That's not fair...I have to go with the Cubs on that one, but let me say this about Tommy: he's objectively one of the most talented singer/songwriters not only in the history of his genre but in rock and roll history. I defy ANYONE with any appreciation for good music to listen to his entire catalog and tell me that the guy doesn't write magnificent pop songs. He's the most criminally overlooked musician I've ever heard. And I'll also come clean, I've been around Tommy on several occasions and you won't find a more humble, classy person in the business. But that's NOT why I love his music. I love it because it's just really, really good.

12. What have you been listening to lately for music?
Oh, I float around a lot. I would say the new Apples In Stereo (I saw them live in February and they totally rocked), Secret Machines (saw them too last fall), the new Figgs record (another overlooked band that's been grinding for years), Reigning Sound, The Paybacks (those two bands give me a good dose of razor-blades-in-the-throat vocals...Greg Cartwright the male edition, Wendy Case the female version), The Dirtbombs, You Am I, The Handcuffs and Hold Steady. The Dandy Warhols and Brian Jonestown Massacre are never too far away. And I can't finish the interview without mentioning The Romantics, whom I've seen live about 25 times. They're still kicking out some great bluesy power pop and I heard a rumor they may soon be putting out a follow-up to their excellent record from a few years ago, 61/49. I'll believe it when I hear it. They went 18 years between full-lengths the last time around. And a quick plug for anything Dom Mariani (the Australian garage rock/power pop legend) is involved in. I have virtually everything he's ever recorded, from The Stems to The Someloves to DM3. I could ask 100 fairly well-educated music fans about him and MAYBE one person would go, "Oh yeah, I vaguely recall that name." Unbelievable...

13. What's the last thing you laughed really hard at?
The most recent episode of The Office. I laugh REALLY hard at that show on a consistent basis.

14. Why don't you ask me a question?
I have two: 1) Have you ever heard of Dom Mariani? 2) Were you good at hockey play-by-play?

JEFF ANSWERS: No, haven't heard of Mariani. I still have all my old CCHA tapes and I bust them out occasionally. In listening to them, I hear a 20 year old kid sharpening his skills. The early stuff is rather horrific. By the time I was in my third year, I felt pretty good about what I was doing. I think I sent a couple of demos out when I was done, but by then I sort of knew I was going in a different direction.

15. I once spoke to a friend of Scott Hatteberg's and he told me that Scott was a HUGE music fan and liked a lot of the same stuff I do. Are there any baseball players you're aware of with awesome musical taste?
Yes, my broadcast partner, Bob Brenly is one. He's really into good stuff and will always give a new band a try, which I totally appreciate. To be honest, I'm more set in my ways as far as my musical tastes than he is. Of the current big leaguers, Will Ohman (Cubs left-handed reliever) is off the charts crazy into good stuff. Sometimes it's hard for me to walk through the clubhouse without Will mentioning a new band or song he's heard and likes.

Major league thanks to Len!

The Envelope, Please

2007-04-12T09:09:00.000-04:00

During my first year at Kent State (90-91), the rule was you had to live in the dorms. This was fine with me, despite my preference for apartment living. Why? Well, I didn't know anybody in Ohio, so I thought there was no better way to meet some people and make some friends. It didn't take long.

My roommate was a guy named Charles Elkins, a tall dude from southern Ohio. For those of you who don't know Ohio (and why should you?), the difference between northern Ohio and southern Ohio is rather significant. Northern Ohio wasn't all that much different than New England, with exception to some minor cultural differences and cheaper beer! Southern Ohio was more like Kentucky. Anyway, Charles had a small accent and it didn't take long before he called my bed "the envelope."

You see, apparently back then when I fell asleep, that was it - I wouldn't move, turn, jostle or anything. I'd wake up in the same position I fell asleep in, making it look like the bed was made, even when I was in it. When I woke up, I'd rise and simply fold the sheets back over in one quick motion and presto - the bed was made in under five seconds. He was amazed by this. I was indifferent. But word got around about the amazing envelope bed and I became known for it. Kinda funny. That said, I'd rather be known for my amazing sleep simplicity than for being lightweight - and Charles was a lightweight who, and I don't think this is revisionist history, always seemed to throw up after two beers.

Then there was John Horton, whom I ended up rooming with a year or two later - and whom I remain friends with today. When I first met John, I couldn't stop laughing because he had this television in his dorm room which appeared to be straight from the dark ages. He loved it, though, because a) it had one of the first remote controls on the market, the Zenith Space Commander, which looked something like this and b) because for some odd reason, John has always seemed to embrace the fact that he's about 25-30 years behind in technology. It's not a slight at all - John's a really good natured guy and he'd be the first to admit it. Anyway, he's a writer for the big Cleveland daily newspaper these days and chasing around three kids. Every other year on average in March, we still type up our predictions for the MLB regular season and playoffs and mail them to each other - then we don't open them until after the World Series. That's always good for a laugh.

Hmmm.....

2007-04-11T09:59:00.000-04:00

Check out this dream I had last night. From what I can remember, I was involved in some kind of game where each player was assigned an animal. The goal of the game was for you and your assigned animal to complete six tasks. The first team to complete the six tasks was the winner. The six tasks all involved going into people's houses and accomplishing some kind of goal. In addition to that, the game also had a video game component where in each household I had to play a game and we couldn't move to the next house until I completed the video game.

All of the houses were childhood houses that I was familiar with: family friends, relatives, etc. My assigned animal was a white baby tiger that looked exactly like this. Cute! The tiger and I got along very well - it was a very friendly baby tiger, except I do remember it would playfully bite me like a kitten or puppy do.

That's all I can remember. What does it mean?

Pocket Lint

2007-04-09T08:28:00.000-04:00

Celebrity sighting last week in NYC: We all went out for dinner at a tasty little joint called Five Ninth in the meatpacking district (um, get the steak) and as I was waiting for some other folks to arrive, in walks Russell Simmons - maybe not a household name to your ears, but a legend nonetheless. Simmons was, with Rick Rubin, co-creator of the Def Jam record label, which brought rap to the mainstream in mid-to-late 1980's when they released a string of landmark rap albums such as Run-DMC's "Raising Hell" and The Beastie Boys "Licenced to Ill." He's also the brother of Run from Run-DMC. Cool!

The house is really starting to fill up with baby stuff now. Whew!

How cool is this - on Wednesday I got an email from Anders Parker and I find out that he's on a mini-tour with another musician named Jeffrey Foucoult and they're playing in Cambridge at a place called Atwood Tavern. Here's the kicker, though: it's a FREE show and it's at 7pm! Now, a few years ago I vowed to not be swayed by late shows. I made a pact with myself that if I love the band, I need to see them regardless of the set time. I've broken that pact more than once. Not on this night! I went in with Leo and we had a seat 10 feet from the tiny stage, had a couple of beers and watched Parker do a terrific set, as usual. I was home by 9:30! Whoooooo! My favorite song of the night: Under Wide Unbroken Skies.

I was washing some dishes yesterday and thought about little things that make me happy. You know, little stuff like that moment when ALL of your laundry is done, how good that feels because you know it'll be a while before you have to do it again. Full drawers, baby! Saturday Steph had her baby shower, so all the ladies were at the in-laws. My dad drove down and dropped my mom and sister off at the shower, then came to my house for a while. We didn't do much, really. I put some ribs on the grill and we had a little bit of beer and just sat and chatted. It was great. We don't get to do that much since we live a couple of hours apart, but that might change soon. All the better....

When You Coming Around Again?

2007-04-06T09:30:00.000-04:00

You know, this whole interviewing my family thing is kinda fun. I'm considering expanding the scope to include extended family as well. This could be fun. Of course, if you don't know anyone in my family (and most of you don't), it's probably a little less interesting, but like I always say, that's the way it goes. It's my blog. You're more than welcome to start your own.

My sister (Cari-Lynn) completes the family interview trifecta today. She's a year-and-a-half older than me - born in August of 1969. Applying no revisionist history, I can tell you that my sister and I got along pretty well. There were the inevitable dust-ups between the two of us that happen with all siblings, but by-and-large, they were minor and we were probably better than average when it came to getting along.

Both of us had non-standard upbringings to a degree, but hers was much more askew than mine because she was a very competitive figure skater. I don't just mean competitions on weekends, either - we're talking about not attending school full time, skating in the morning AND the afternoon nearly every day AND competitions on weekends. This required a lot of sacrifice on her part and also sacrifices for the rest of us. In fact, when I was in 5th or 6th grade, I was getting up by myself for school every day and getting ready, because my dad and sister were off at the rink and my mother was off at work. Weird! There was that one day I missed the bus in the morning, too, because I reached a new level on Defender (Atari 2600!). Good times.

Anyway, through all that stuff and much more, we've come through relatively normal. She now lives in Brookline, NH with her husband and two kiddos and they're all doing well. She's a teacher's assistant and a hard-working mother. Good for her. She's also rather funny when she's drunk, as we all found out one new years eve about ten years ago. That might be the only time I've seen her remotely intoxicated........you can be sure she was sober when she answered the following questions.........

1. Mom claims you tried to kill me when I was first born and brought home. Shaken baby syndrome. Are you ever going to finally apologize for that?
No no...that is not how it was told to me! I wanted her to take you back to the hospital for a better product (meaning I wanted another baby from the nursery). But, she didn't listen to me and we had to keep ya!

2. What is your earliest childhood memory?
You won't remember this, because you were two. I remember being in the house in Sterling, MA, hanging out with you and Dad in the garage while he was tinkering around with something and me being deathly afraid of a CLOWN PICTURE that mom put up. It totally freaked me out at age 4. (Jeff note: Mom? A clown picture? Care to comment?)

3. Do you ever brag about the fact that you're one of very few people that has beaten Nancy Kerrigan in figure skating competitions?
No, I don't go around bragging about it. I like to mention it to people when they think she is "all that." I am not a big fan of hers for obvious reasons, but, in the long run, she got to the Olympics and yours truly did not.

4. Tell me something you remember that happened in grade school.
Oh my gosh...there are so many memories to tell. I will always remember 6th grade because one of my classmate, Paul Hanna, of whom I was friends with, passed away from a freak accident involving a gun. That was really sobering at age 11.

5. Did you really like that day bed that you had for a while? I have to say, that was one thing of yours that I didn't like. What was one thing of mine that you didn't like?
Yes...at first. I begged mom and dad for that!! Once I got it, I found out slowly but surely, it was not very comfortable. That was my girlie girl stage in life. Something that you had which I didn't like: I was not fond of your apartment at Northeastern U (Boston) with the mice and roaches. Yuck!

6. What do you think was the dumbest/stupidist thing I did while growing up?
There were so MANY when you were in middle school and high school that I can't choose just one! When you were a little kid, you were always putting small things up your nose!! I remember we almost had to bring you to the hospital because you had a button stuck up there. Mom was trying to get it out with tweezers and you were very afraid. I just remember staring at you and, in my 5 or 6 year old way, shaking my head in disbelief. [Jeff note: I actually remember this!]

7. Did you ever get to drive Mom's Mazda?
You know, I don't remember. I am sure that I did because I can feel the fear of God creeping up on me!

8. Tell us something crazy/goofy you did in college.
On Halloween night in 1990, my dorm friends and I dressed up in ridiculous costumes and went trick or treating in the suburban neighborhoods. They were quite annoyed with my friends, but when they saw me, it was okay. People thought that my "older sisters" were taking me out to get candy!!!! We laughed a lot that night.

9. What was the last thing you laughed really hard about?
I laugh a lot with my 5th and 6th graders at school. They are so silly sometimes!! I love comedies on TV and movies. The last time I laughed really hard was at Demetri Martin's stand up special on Comedy Central. I also laughed a lot when I watched Dane Cook's HBO special as well. I was barely breathing!!

10. What do you remember about me from my college days?
I remember your mullet hair-do!! Hee Hee! But mostly I remember how your love of music was blossoming. You were always going to see shows at little dives (seeing bands that are now playing stadiums) and telling me about the one dollar beer nights at the "college bar." I remember that I was overly worried about you "way out" in Ohio, especially the night you called from your dorm room while there was a raging lunatic with a gun shooting randomly around your building!! God, that was freaking scary. [Jeff note: heh. By the way, it was "nickel beer" night......goodness. Beers for a nickel, that's just wrong on so many levels.]

11. What is your favorite part about being a mother? Least favorite?
My favorite part about being a mom: the absolute joy I feel when my kiddos do something they are proud of. You can't beat that. My least favorite part about being a mom: lack of sleep and time to myself

12. Complete this sentence: "If it wasn't for my brother Jeff, I would be ________________.
If it wasn't for my brother Jeff, I would be TOTALLY LOST. I am so forever grateful that you are my brother and close friend.. There are so many times you pulled me out of a bad place and helped me out. I would not be the person I am now if you were not in the picture. Thanks! [Jeff note: um....wow. I wasn't expecting that. Thanks.]

13. Have you used that saucepan I got you for Christmas yet?
Yes, I have, thank you very much! Do you know what? Dave has washed it every time, too! (Yes, one time so far, but that counts as "every time" ~ Dave)

14. Do you think more about the past or the future?
I think about both equally. Some of the past memories are fantastic to re-live in my head (like figure skating and our "lively" family events) but others I wouldn't want anyone to live through. The future is so cool to think about when you have little kids. I always wonder what they are going to be like in high school, or what they are going choose as their professions. I also like to think about how Dave and I are going to be golfing all year round, retired and happy.

Thanks to Cari for being a good sport, even if she did try to kill me.

Quick Fix

2007-04-03T22:41:00.000-04:00

A couple of quick notes, as I wrap up a business trip here in NYC.

Our new headquarters in NYC is quite the palace. It sure does stick out like a sore thumb directly across from the Chelsea Piers, but neighborhood seems to be emerging - lots of construction going on in the area. Inside is all fresh, modern and new. The 9th floor has a nice view of the Hudson River, a nice big screen TV with a Wii (!!!!) and free snacks for the employees. Nice touch! In the lobby there's a very large screen that shows various stats for IAC businesses (how many "connections" occured on Match.com, etc etc...). Beautiful place. I'll post some pics soon.

I can't help but think that the whole Keith Richards thing is a total ruse. I mean, come on. If it's true, though, it's hilarious!

You Know We'll Have A Good Time Then

2007-03-31T11:29:00.000-04:00

Well, since it's so much easier to get your family to respond to interviews than authors and musicians, Item Five returns today. Today's victim is my dad. He's got a good story which I'll get to in a minute. I remember when I was around ten years old I found his high school yearbook in a closet of our house and I started leafing through it. Each of the students from the 1964 class at Clinton High had a small blurb written about them. When I found his picture, I couldn't help but chuckle at the blurb. I wish I had it here so I could type it verbatim, but it was along the lines of "good looking Dean can always be seen walking the halls at an extremely leisurely pace." (Dad, if you have this somewhere, it might be a good idea to post the actual blurb in a comment, because it's awesome).

He was born in 1946, the first year of the baby boomers, and grew up in Massachusetts his entire life. After his time in the army, he was a mechanic and then managed an ice arena. After that, somewhere in 80-81, he joined the computer company NEC and spent almost 20 years there in the corporate world. He and my mom moved up to New Hampshire when my dad got a job up there, but he, much like a lot of people when the bubble burst, got downsized rather quickly. Now, for the past couple of years, he's back in the rink business, managing the Ice Den Arena in Hooksett, NH, a pretty new facility with some of the best ice you'll find. It truly warms my heart to know that my dad is happy doing what he does for a living. That is so important. I wish he'd work less hours......but I digress.

Anyway, dad is a pretty laid back guy. Except when he yells at the dogs (and they usually deserve it). Funny thing, too: all my life when I play hockey I could never hear anybody in the crowd who was watching or yelling. Anyone whose ever played sports probably knows this feeling - you're so focused on what's going on that everything else in that environment is silent. When the whistle blows, you can hear stuff, but when the game is on - silence. Except for one voice - my dad's. I could always hear him. A lot of the time, especially if I was dogging it, it was a simple word like "SKATE!" Funny, huh?

By the way, my parents, thankfully, never were the types to push me, punish me for playing bad, or MAKE me play any sports I didn't want to play. They gave up a LOT for both me and my sister (a very competitive figure skater) and to that we owe them a debt of positively immeasurable gratitude. You don't really realize this until you're much older and think back to how many freezing cold 6:50am youth hockey games they woke up for and drove me to. Those times and the figure skating competitions are some of the most amazing memories of childhood one can have.

Say hello to dad......

1. What is your earliest childhood memory?
About age 4 on Florence St. in Jamaica Plain, MA. I was playing and fell into a thorn bush and got a thorn stuck in the palm of my hand. It's actually still there because, according to my mother, I would not let her take it out.

2. What did your parents do for work?
My father was a butcher and chef his entire life, and Mom worked in a factory that made flashlights and batteries (Ray-O-Vac)

3. Tell me something you did in high school that you regret or aren't particularly proud of.
Screwed around so badly in my Freshman & Sophomore years that I barely made it through both. My freshman year I gained 0 points, my sophomore year 30 points, where you needed to maintain 40 points a year to graduate. Finally smartened up my Junior & Senior years with 65 points each year. Actually made the Honor Roll my Senior year! [Jeff note: this sounds vaguely familiar to me......I hope I can halt this tradition with my impending arrivals!]

4. Is there any advice either of your parents gave you that has stuck with you for whatever reason? If so, what was it?
Always be polite and respectful to your elders.

5. Do you remember what your first impression of Mom was or the very first thing she said to you?
WOW! Why had I never seen this girl before? She was with her friend and I asked them if they wanted to go for a ride. Eventually her friend left when she found her boyfriend and I took Mom home. Then I asked to see her again, and the rest is history.

6. You went to Vietnam. Looking back, how do you view that time (i.e., wish you hadn't gone, just a part of life, etc etc)?
I actually looked forward to going; thought is was the macho thing to do. Once there though, getting shot became real - not like in the movies. It was part of being a soldier and what they trained you for. I had some good times as well as bad.

7. Do you remember precisely what was going through your mind when you landed back in the U.S. after your tour in Vietnam was done?
Thank God it was over and I could go back to what it was like before I left. Obviously a pipe dream.

8. Tell an amusing story you remember about me as a young child
You and the neighbors kids (Dan & Dave) watching each other pee in the woods behind our house.

9. How did I start playing hockey? Did you ask me if I wanted to try it? How did I react initially?
I was managing a hockey rink in Lancaster and enrolled you in a Learn to Skate Program. You reacted like most kids did - you held onto the boards and walked/skated around the rink several times.

10. If you had to pick one bad thing I did growing up as the worst/stupidist thing I've done, what would it be?
Coming home drunk one night and talking to your mother on the phone from one of the extensions in the house. [Jeff note: this classic situation warrants further explanation, because it's a great story. It was New Years Eve and I was home on break from college. Maybe 1991 about to turn 1992. I went out with some friends to a party at Marty Reisner's house in Clinton. My parents had also gone out - I don't remember where. Strangely enough, I got home first that night. And yes, I was drunk. One of the things I did whenever I was drunk was stay up for as long as possible and drink lots of water - it usually quelled or at least abbreviated the hangover. So I'm sitting in the living room, watching television and I notice my parents car pull in about 1:30am-ish, into the garage and then...........the phone rings! I picked up the phone upstairs and I hear my mother's voice. Odd, because their car had just pulled into the garage....hmmmmm. I thought for a brief second that maybe my mother was somewhere else and my dad came home early. So the conversation went on for a minute in a very confusing manner with me trying to figure out where she was and she was trying to figure out where I was. Well, it turned out my mother, who was walking in from the car, picked up the phone downstairs at the same time I did. All this time, the person on the other end of the line was dead silent. We still laugh heartily about this story today and I'll always wonder who that was who called.......

11. What was the last thing you laughed really hard at?
Lewis Black's stand up show last year.

12. Is there anything you find yourself doing where you stop and say "damn, I'm just like my father!"
Work too many hours.

13. You recently hit the big 60. Do you find yourself thinking more about the past or the future?
I think more about the past, since that's where all the memories are. Can't do much to control the future, so I just let it happen.

14. Now you can ask me a question. Go ahead. I'll answer it.
What do you think about late at night when you can't get to sleep. (Other than your upcoming fatherhood)
Jeff Answers: Well, that hasn't been a problem AT ALL lately because of our new King bed! Heh heh. Anyway, I think a lot about legacy. Mine, to be specific. I seem to have a never-ending tug-of-war in my mind between staying the course with a comfortable paycheck and good job (which is very important, especially with two little robots on the way) and eventually doing something that will make a pronounced and positive difference in people's lives. I have no idea what that is yet, but when I'm retired and I look back, I'm going to need to see that I've done something constructive that helped the less fortunate or something that was a material contribution to society. It might very well be as simple as passing that onto my own children. Time will tell.

Thanks Dad! I think we all know who's next...........

Wake Up On The Wrong Side Of The Earth?

2007-03-30T08:45:00.000-04:00

Sometimes blogs write themselves. I was sitting around this morning trying to figure out what to write about today. I've been sick nearly all week with a nasty, nasty cold, so my ambition to write has been sorely lacking, to say the least and my idea generation suffers.

But then I saw this video on YouTube!

Whooo-weeeeee! Not only does it get me an easy blog post, it also goes to show you how childish and immature most people in show business can be. It also means that "I Heart Huckabees" wasn't only a bad film, it was also a bad environment to make a movie in. I love how Jason Schwartzman is just sitting at the desk with his feet up the whole time while the director goes insane on Lily Tomlin. I love how the director comes back in through the door and throws another fit. I love all of this!

Lather, Rinse, Repeat

2007-03-29T08:04:00.000-04:00

Cough, hack, wheeze, headache, sore throat, sneeze. Blow nose. Sneeze. Blow nose. Repeat step one.

Heartwarming.......

2007-03-28T08:08:00.000-04:00

Yesterday, for whatever reason, a childhood story popped into my head. I was in seventh grade. Just about every day, all the neighborhood kids would come home from school, get on our bikes and cruise around the neighborhood. We didn't really cause much trouble, but we would explore the woods, crawl into drainage pipes to find out where they went and how long they were, play some kind of sport, just......whatever. One day three or four of us were just walking around in the woods and we decided to grab a bunch of rocks, put them in a circle and light a fire. Oh, you think you know where this is going, but no, we did not burn the woods down. That came about a year later and we didn't burn them down, per say, but it did require a visit from the fire department. But I digress.

Anyway, near the rocks was what looked like a pile of old books and I went over there and picked them up and began leafing through them. They were school textbooks and they looked old and ragged. I thought "hmmmm.....these are clearly crappy old books, we should burn 'em." But I used my, ahem, "better judgement" and didn't. Instead, I ripped them up. All of them. A more messy solution, but certainly the safer option. After about 15 minutes, the fire was out and we all went home.

It wasn't more than twenty minutes after I got home that there was a loud and vociferous commotion outside the house. I looked outside and saw one of the older local kids with his friend from Clinton High School. Oops. Apparently those books (which, in my defense, looked like they had been sitting in the woods for years) were current books being used in the Clinton school system. Oops. I had ripped up some poor kids textbooks. And he wasn't happy. At all.

I did what any 7th grader would do in this situation, when looking down the barrel of an extremely agitated high schooler - I pretended I wasn't home. Just sat in my room and listened to the commotion, knowing eventually it would end. And it did.

I don't recall if I ever saw the kid again. So, Dennis Ashe, I apologize. But Clinton needed to update their books.

Random

2007-03-26T08:31:00.000-04:00

Saw The Departed over the weekend. A must see! Great cat-and-mouse storyline and despite it's length (2.5 hours), it keeps you invested every minute. It doesn't feel like a 2.5 hour movie. The whole cast was great. Probably a smart move casting Damon and Wahlberg, they got the accents pretty good. Others did their best, but I've yet to see a movie where everyone gets the accent right. I guess it's impossible.

I think I'm going through a down period with Son Volt. Their new album hasn't hit me yet. It probably will at some point soon, but right now I'm not feeling it.

Went to my first Bruins game of the season on Saturday afternoon, against the New York Rangers. I think half the building was Ranger fans! I could swear the roar for the Rangers goal late in the third period was louder than the Bruins crowd after their goal. I tell you what, for those of us who grew up with the Neely-Bourque-Moog era Bruins when they were making the playoffs automatically each season, these last ten years have been difficult to stomach. I suspect if you grew up in the Orr-Espo-Sanderson era, it hurts even worse. To see them only filling half the building most nights is sad, but deserved. A nice scoreboard ain't selling tickets.

Went to a friend's house yesterday and saw Apple TV. Three words: I'm getting one. I also got to the play the Nintendo Wii for the first time - what a trip! It takes time to get used to those controllers, but they are a stroke of genius. I wish you could have witnessed my friend's girlfriend laughing hysterically at us as we sat on the coach, boxing each other. My arms got tired!

We recently bought a new bedroom set and upgraded from a queen to a king. What a difference! I feel like I'm sleeping in one of those crazy-awesome hotel beds now. Sweet. It was a gift to ourselves since we're on the cusp of not being allowed to sleep in it much (see: twins).

Item Five: Is Only A Motion Away

2007-03-21T10:19:00.000-04:00

Long time readers might be wondering whatever happened to my interview series called "Item Five." Well, nothing happened to it, really. When I have time, I've continued to reach out to musicians, authors, etc and most of the time they seem eager to participate. So I send them a list of questions to answer and I then don't hear from them again. That's the way it goes sometimes. It just so happens that the last 3 interviews I've set up have gone unanswered. Sigh.

So......what's a robot to do? Well, that's an easy one. Call on someone that you know will respond and answer questions. Because you know where they live.

You call on your own mother. It's actually harder to come up with a list of questions for your own mother than it is to come up with questions for someone you've never met. Isn't that kind of weird? Anyway, my mother was born in Florida as Karen Zorn, but only stayed there a relatively short time before moving up to Massachusetts. She grew up in Sterling, MA (next town over from Lancaster, where we grew up) and she has a sister and two brothers. Both brothers, sadly, passed away within about 5 years of each other (1985, 1990).

When you hear things like "the apple doesn't fall from the tree," you know they are oft-used adages, but damn, that shit is true. The Zorn side of the family has a pretty unique sense of humor, largely on the biting/sarcastic side, which is something I have in spades. I won't go into much detail, but some of our family get togethers on the Zorn side are stuff of legend.

So without further ado, say hello to my mom, won't you?

1. What is your earliest childhood memory?
Digging for China in our back yard (Mom told us to)

2. What did your parents do for work?
Gracie worked in a factory and Mel, well, he had many jobs.

3. Tell me something you did in high school that you regret or aren't particularly proud of.
We skipped school and sat in the woods smoking and hungry.

4. Is there any advice either of your parents gave you that has stuck with you for whatever reason? If so, what was it?
Gracie always said, "never say your children would never do that, because they could."

5. Do you remember what your first impression of Dad was or the very first thing he said to you?
I thought Dad was a handsome dude. He said "Do you want a ride home??"

6. Did you have other names picked for me? How did you decide on Jeff?
No, you were Jeff from the start. [Jeff note: my mother once told me years ago that they were considering naming me Zachary. When I followed up on this question, she said "I was only teasing you"]

7. Tell an amusing story about me as a young child
I always loved the birthday card you made for dad. It said " Happy Birthday Dad, too bad you're so old!!!"

8. How were you feeling on my very first day of school?
Because you and your sister were always excited about going to school, I was excited to see you go (very excited).

9. If you can remember any of my Halloween costumes, which one do you think was the best?
I really don't remember your costumes!!!

10. If you had to pick one bad thing I did growing up as the worst/stupidist thing I've done, what would it be?
Your freshman year in high school, need I say more?? [Jeff note: no, you need not say more. But I will. Freshman year in high school was a 100% disaster for me. My adjustment to high school was a rock road, particularly in the field of academics. There were a few F's and I got booted from the hockey team, so I missed the last seven games of the season. In most cases, it was me being a little punk. Tidbit: in the four quarters of Physical Science, my grades were D, D, F and F. I was failing the class going into the final. I spent HOURS in my room studying for the final, combing the book (probably for the first time). I scored an 89 on the final and passed the class with a D. To this day, I hate science.]

11. What was the last thing you laughed really hard at?
I laugh a lot, but Olivia [granddaughter] can really make me laugh with some of her comments!!!

12. I got my penchant of reading the newspaper every day from you. Where did you get it from?
I really don't know, my parents were not really big newspaper people, my desire must have come from within...

13. You're coming up on a big birthday - do you find yourself thinking more about the past or the future?
Both, I love thinking about the past and I look forward to the future.

Thanks for being a good sport, Mom.

Myles Standish Proud, Congratulate Me

2007-03-21T08:33:00.000-04:00

Since my wife got pregnant and started going to bed even earlier than usual, I find myself with a lot of time on my own, which means I've watched a lot more television, played a lot of Scrabble vs. the computer and read more books & magazines than usual. The books have largely focused on fatherhood, pregnancy and taking care of infants and young children. They have been an immense help in getting me to feel prepared. The magazines are largely focused on music and sports. TV is, well, TV.

Over the weekend I ended up watching, just about in its entirety, the Rock & Roll Hall of Fame induction ceremonies. I had never really seen one of these, mostly because I have no interest. This year, though, I saw that REM, Van Halen, The Ronettes and Patti Smith were being inducted, so I thought a) there might be some interesting performances and b) see the previous paragraph about having more time on my hands.

I will not get overly verbose about this - the show was a disappointment. Patti Smith's performance was solid - she's still pretty intense for an aging woman - I mean, trotting out the intense "Rock & Roll Nigger" on stage was a bold move and "Because The Night" is still a terrific song. Her fairly rambling and nervous acceptance speech was moving and heartfelt for someone who's railed for so long against superficial, establishment things like the R&R Hall of Fame. I came away liking her more than I thought I ever did.

The Van Halen thing was a MAJOR disappointment. The only two to show up were Michael Anthony and Sammy Hagar and then the horrific Velvet Revolver did a couple of their songs. Hagar seems to be a likable enough guy, but for me Van Halen ended when motor mouth David Lee Roth left the band. Eddie can play, no argument there, but Roth was the heart and soul and some kind of political BS prevented him from showing up. So the best part of that portion was the five minute montage of old video clips of Van Halen being.........Van Halen. Some of their output is clearly dreck, but some of the early stuff is vital rock and roll in my eyes.

R.E.M., certainly one of my top 10 all time bands, is the one I looked forward to the most and they didn't disappoint. I kind of got the feeling they thought the whole thing was a little ridiculous, but they played the part and appeared gracious enough. Eddie Vedder's induction speech was both rambling and enjoyable and while I've never seen R.E.M. live, their performance seemed a little hushed and more reserved than other performances I've seen on video. Their small set list was terrific, highlighted by "Begin the Begin" and "Gardening At Night." I came away further convinced that Mike Mills is the major secret weapon in that band.

All in all, it was a couple hours I'll never get back. But hey, that's life.

IPodding:
Varnaline - Let It All Come Down
Richard & Linda Thompson - Back Street Slide
The Rooftop Singers - Walk Right In
The Beatles - Act Naturally
Healthy White Baby - Ouija Board
Mark Lanegan - Borracho
Grant Lee Buffalo - Fuzzy
Van Morrison - And It Stoned Me
Elf Power - Somewhere Down The River
Sam Champion - TV Fever

As always, you can see what's currently playing by checking out my Last.fm page.

Ambigore

2007-03-19T08:08:00.000-04:00

I was so happy to open the Boston Globe this morning that find that the music staff is catching on to The Whigs. The writers saw them down in Austin, TX last week during South By Southwest, the industry's annual get together which has always been about food and beer and not discussion panels. To celebrate, I'll post another song from their superb debut album: Can't Hear You Coming. Hopefully the Whigs train is just getting rolling.

Steph and I finally watched An Inconvenient Truth last night, after the Netflix envelope sat for a couple of months. There's definitely some captivating information in this film, but goodness, Al Gore's voice should bottled up and sold over-the-counter as a sleep aid, because I drifted off a few times, something that normally does not happen to me on the couch.

Two Thumbs Up

2007-03-15T08:15:00.000-04:00

Thought it would make sense today to share with you a couple of songs that have been rocking my world lately.

Bobby Bare Jr's The Heart Bionic is quite the addicting little rock song. Bare Jr. has an especially distinctive, quirky voice and an exceptional ability to make his songs crawl into your head and stay there for a good, long while. This is certainly one of them. I especially like those horns, which you don't really notice right away, then after a minute you realize it makes the song. At least I think those are horns - maybe some of you musician readers can confirm. I love the line "the medicine you gave me made me feel like a sap." Anyway, my friend Leo and I saw him open for the Drive-By Truckers last fall and he was terrific. Hit the play button or right click to save.

Merge Records is on a roll. They just released a record by a band called The Broken West that is totally blowing my mind. It's like a combination of all of my favorite music, rolled up into one band. Power pop? Check. Rock and roll? Check. West coast Byrds-ian vibe? Check. Down In The Valley showcases the band's power pop/rock persona and if you don't think this is a tremendous song with hooks galore, then you should be listening to Bing Crosby records full-time. I can almost guarantee you'll be humming this to yourself all day long after just one listen!

I'm almost 36 years old now and I still have never...

2007-03-14T08:48:00.000-04:00

I'm almost 36 years old now and I still have never found a toaster that works correctly. A few here and there work ok for the first few months, but inevitably it ends up on the fritz. Uneven toasting, multiple toasting cycles, etc etc. Where is the toaster that can automatically sense when the bread or muffin is evenly toasted?

Think I'll Buy Me A Football Team

2007-03-13T08:17:00.000-04:00

Because I love the internet and new technologies and because I work for an internet company, I spend a lot of time looking at new and emerging businesses. Lots of them are copycats of other recently launched websites, so I'll fool around on those sites for 15 minutes and never go back again. Some of them are good enough ideas but I know I won't have the time to ever make it a habit. Some of them are just home runs - Flickr (member since 2004), LinkedIn (member since 2004), Netflix (member since 2000), Bloglines (2004) and Twitter (2006) are sites I use pretty much every day, to name a few.

Recently I discovered Wesabe.com, a site which helps you to track finances and gives recommendations & tips on how you're spending your money. It sounds like any other boring financial advice website until you find out that the tips and recommendations are given by the site's users and not some dude on staff at the company. I signed up and found out right away how helpful it was. Each of your financial transactions comes with several tips based on the category - in other words, if you recently bought some furniture from Pottery Barn, there are recommendations for furniture of equal quality for cheaper somewhere else. If you grocery shop (don't we all?) there are tips for shopping more smartly. If you buy music from ITunes, there are tips about how you have more freedom with your music if you buy elsewhere. It's extremely valuable.

For example, our taxes this year were more complicated then usual, so I just dumped them off at H&R Block. Via Wesabe, I was able to find a tip that most banks offer a money market account where the interest you make is exempt to federal taxes. That would be a huge help for me as I've been maxing out my 401K the last two years and need to find somewhere to put money tax free after I've maxed out the retirement amount. It's only a couple of months where that's the case, but every little bit helps. Wesabe is really a terrific tool! Try it out.

And if the people at Quicken don't acquire them, then their heads are not in the game!

I Closed My Eyes And I Slipped Away

2007-03-12T08:08:00.000-04:00

You know, I was never really a huge fan of the band Boston. I was way more into them as a teen than I am these days. That said, I still find myself rather sad that Brad Delp, their lead singer who possessed one of those voices, passed away on Friday at just age 55. The cause of death is still undetermined, although the family has asked that donations be sent to the American Heart Association, if that's any indication.

Anyway, it would be pretty hard to not like one Boston song out of the roughly 50-60 the band has in its repetiore. For some, it's "Amanda." For others, it's "Smokin.'" For me, it's probably "More Than A Feeling." I think it's their biggest hit and it's also probably the Boston song that is still played the most on classic rock stations. Normally, this would mean that I never have to hear it again, but "More Than A Feeling" is exempt - and that's because Delp's voice on that song just nails it, running the gamut between soft and soaring, sad and uplifting.

I was a sophomore in high school and a much bigger fan of Boston when the eagerly anticipated Third Stage came out, eight years after their second album. Being in New England, it was almost the story of the year and if you think I'm kidding, chew on this: they sold out nine consecutive nights at the Worcester Centrum in 1986, two of which I attended. As the years progress, it becomes harder and harder for me to remember what happened in what year, but I can tell you with a certain degree of authority that 1986 was a terrific year for me. It was a year in which I began to discover songs beyond what was played on the radio. I saw my first arena rock shows. I had improved my grades after a horrific freshman year. It was just one of those years when so much bloomed. There was an explosion of optimism, lots of new experiences and good friends and great times in school. There will never be another year like that in my life.

So while I don't really listen to Boston that much, Brad Delp's voice and the band's music hold a special place in my heart, because I associate them with some of those moments in a priceless, golden time.

What I love is that people around here have universally praised Delp this weekend, with many calling him one of the nicest people in rock and roll and an unassuming guy without even a smidge of ego and a ton of friendliness and approachability. I had always kept telling myself that I needed to go see his "other" band, the Beatles cover band, Beatlejuice. They played right here in Maynard about once every two months and I never got to see them. Now I never will. It was one of those things where I knew they'd continue to be back and I'd see 'em eventually. Damn.

They say that Delp had an uncanny ability to just nail all four Beatles voices and he always had such a great time doing it. Now I'm wishing I could have heard it for myself.

Don't Waste My Time, I Won't Waste Yours

2007-03-09T08:40:00.000-05:00

I've made reference a few times to how disruptive the rise of the internet has been, both on a positive and negative level. If you're an auto salesman, for example, the internet probably isn't your favorite invention of all time, as the leverage has shifted from the dealer to the consumer. Granted, the consumer has to do some extra work, but it's not painful and can save you significantly.

We recently bought a new car for Steph at a dealer in Acton, MA - about two miles from our house. Once we settled on the car she wanted (2007 Subaru Forrester), I hopped right online and did two things:

1) Found three additional dealers in the area and put out an email to all three, detailing exactly what car we wanted and I wrote to them, in no uncertain terms, that they have ONE shot on quoting me their best price via email. If they called me, haggled or didn't give me a specific quote on the car in their email response back to me, they were out of the running. CitySide Subaru in Belmont, MA was eliminated right away when the guy wrote me back and detailed what his cost for the car was, but said to contact him when I get the lowest offer from someone else. I'm not gonna play that game and I told him straight out to forget it. Two others, (Patrick North Subaru in Wilmington & MetroWest Subaru in Natick) emailed me back and thankfully followed instructions with two competitive price quotes.

2) I logged onto Consumer Reports and used their New Car Buying Kit, which is a must-use tool for buying cars. They have prepared reports for every car available which details what the dealer has paid for each car, down to every option, holdbacks, consumer cash back offers, etc. They give you a bottom line price that the dealer paid for the car. Each car's report, when printed, is about 14 pages of detail. Priceless.

So, armed with my Consumer Reports printout and printouts of the other offers from dealers, Steph and I went back to Village Subaru in Acton and I simply showed them the other offers and while I didn't quote or read anything from the Consumer Reports stack, I made sure I put it on the desk so they could see I'd done the work. Less than 10 minutes later, we had an agreement and the following day we picked up the car. We ended up paying $50 more than the lowest quote emailed to me, but I was glad to pay it, seeing as through the dealer is two miles from us, we use them for service and they were nice people and saved us a trip to a dealer further away.

So, props to all of the dealers for revealing their costs to me right up front - they almost have to these days because of the internet. All the cost numbers were the same and actually did match up to what the Consumer Reports info had reported. Props to 3 of the 4 dealers for not screwing around with us, too. All in all, pretty painless!

If anyone can tell me (without doing a web search) who sings that song in the title of this post, huge props.

How I Love You, AFLAC Duck

2007-03-07T08:14:00.000-05:00

A few nights ago, I either heard on television or read somewhere that AFLAC was retiring their mascot duck from their now well-known television commercials. Upon hearing this, I nearly cried, because for some strange reason, I laugh my ass off when those commercials come on. I can't explain it, but I LOVE the AFLAC duck. The funniest thing about it is seeing Steph's reaction when I'm sitting there laughing at the duck and rewinding the DVR so I can watch the commercial again. She can't really figure out why I seem to get such a kick out of it, but I just think it's a genius line of TV commercials.

My favorite one might be the Yogi Berra one, but I think what got me hooked was a single moment in the very first AFLAC duck ad - and I challenge you to watch this and then tell me which moment about this particular ad that I find so ridiculously funny. There are plenty of others, too. This one has a couple of classic moments - particularly the duck walking down the street singing to itself and then flying through a wall. I'm telling you, each one of these ads has a moment of genius in it, if you really stop and pay attention. For example, go back to that Yogi Berra one and check out the duck standing in front of the hairstyle poster. Classic.

So I did some digging this morning and much to my delight found that AFLAC is not abandoning the duck, which is music to my ears!

Of course, with any popular mascot, inevitably there's bound to be folks out there who try to latch onto the trend - name that annoying Geico lizard or whatever it is. And then there's this, which explores the seedy undercurrent of animal mascots and their, uh, personal lives. Hearing the duck swear after sex is, admittedly, funny.

Peace & Nudity

2007-03-05T08:18:00.000-05:00

Two rather amusing stories in the news, both of which fall under the "to each their own" adage:

I think the headline of this story makes me laugh more than the story itself. Seems rather obvious, no? I think headline writers are warped. Any chance they can to use the double entendre is milked to the maximum. As for nudists, hey, do whatever makes you happy, folks. But you can't disagree that it's slightly unsanitary. For example, I don't want to be the next dude into the bowling alley after the nudists have had their party.

The second story is about some kind of meditation/Quaker place of peace that's having financial difficulty and may have to sell their 3-acre gathering spot. You can't help but have some sympathy for these folks - all they want is a peaceful respite from the everyday stresses of life and for there to be no wars. And they're not nude. You feel sympathy for them, that is, until you find out why they are going bankrupt. I could try to explain, but it's better to just quote the story:

"The reason, Randa said, is more than $350,000 in debt that the Peace Abbey has incurred in the past four years for the cow statue and other expenses. The bronze statue, which is part of a small plaza dedicated to animal rights, is dedicated to a runaway bovine named Emily that escaped a Hopkinton slaughterhouse in 1995 and found refuge at the abbey for eight years. The ensemble, under which Emily is buried, cost $160,000."

That's right, they bought a cow statue for $160K. Their hearts are in the right place....but their heads?

His Clothes Are Loud, But Never Square

2007-03-02T08:15:00.000-05:00

These days, I typically don't comb the internet or scroll through hundreds of message board postings on any particular topic. Back in the late '90s, I did have a devotion to a certain music message board, but my visits to that spot these days are limited to once every few weeks. I did some basic exploration when we found out my wife was pregnant, too. But for the most part, I try to avoid message boards like I avoid medical websites. No need to work myself into more of a lather until I see a doctor or an authority, you know?

Anyway, this morning I couldn't help but click on the message board I saw on Boston.com: The Worst Fashion Trends of All Time. The postings are just priceless and had me laughing rather hysterically, running the gamut from horrific misspelling, funny observations, spirited back-and-forth and looking back at some fashion chestnuts I remember from high school or previous. Definitely worth some time to read a bunch of these.

Extra credit to someone who can name the song I reference in the title of this post (without searching for it on the web).

Won't You Be My Children?

2007-03-01T08:14:00.000-05:00

Those of you with children know all too well about the preparation involved to get the house and rooms ready. We are no different. Our preparation is starting to ramp up, which means we have to find other places to put stuff. A lot of this was addressed when we had one of those pull-down stairway things installed to access our attic. Previously, we could only access the attic through a small hole that people like Nicole Richie could get through, but not the average human and you certainly couldn't fit much through the small access hole. Now that we have the pull down, we have a lot of space up there to utilize, and utilize we will.

Thankfully, we've gotten rid of some old furniture as well, donating to a local good-will type place. It doesn't have to ALL be work, though. Much like the babies themselves, we have to stop now and then and try to enjoy things. That said, I've been practicing some old standards on the guitar. Things like "Plop Plop, Fizz Fizz, Oh What A Relief It Is!" Okay, I'm kidding about that one. So far I've learned how to play "Twinkle Twinkle Little Star" and "Old McDonald." These are, by no means, difficult to learn. But I figure that any weapon I can utilize to keep their rapt attention or get them to sleep is a benefit for all of us. Aside from the fact that it makes me feel a little like Mr. Rogers, it's still a good thing to have in my back pocket. My friend Dan occasionally employs use of a ukulele with his 1 year-old son. Does that work ok, Dan-o? Maybe I'll get one, or pick up a banjo - something I've always wanted to learn how to play.